Smart Woman's Club

How do you get it all done?

2012-02-13T10:52:00.000-08:00

      "What fun it'll be. Cruising to Nantucket and back on your boat! I'm not going anywhere 'til Miss V, grandchild #2, arrives in late May, maybe. Babies come when they come and her mom was 2 weeks late." I declared to Admiral, who was setting a mid June departure date.
      It was early February. Summer was coming, going and then it's wedding day. Just thinking about all the to-dos made me weak. Not enjoying planning, time had come to cast aside any ideas that things would magically happen on their own. Spontaneity wouldn't make this stuff happen. I had to pull up my big girl panties and plan.  Simply plan to move, redo my house, find a tenant to rent it, go on four more honeymoons, take care of clients, and handle endless wedding details.
      With pen, calendar and paper, I camped out at a Starbuck's not visited before.   I knew too many people to be at my regular one.
      My caffeine level rose as lists got longer. Smoke came from my pen as details to accomplish filled the 'Get 'Er Done' pages covering the next seven months. "Lordy, this is huge like an elephant. How'm I going to do all this?! I'm overwhelmed. And it will get done without killing me." I declared to no one as I stuffed dozens of papers into my notebook. That notebook, vinyl covered with pretty flowers and stripes in all my fave colors, was the sacred notebook, travelling with me everywhere. Each list was like Santa's - checked twice daily. So much for spontaneity.
      My new life with Admiral was the time to let go of stuff that had served me well. Carefully I selected the pieces to move. The rest would stay to provide a lovely home for the next resident at 509H.
      Admiral's quite the delegator, as you've guessed. At his instruction I was to make his big, beautiful RVA house our home. Little did I know unloading his Florida house was good practice for unloading this one, as it was chock full of furniture and all stuff that fills up houses.
      "Admiral, you said some furniture needs to go." I began, going on to tell my plan to clear out the excess and make room for my five additions and a new look.
      "Sounds great. Just leave my garage alone." he said.
      With a big roll of blue painter's tape, I went room to room, marking clearly with a tape piece what I thought should go.
      An hour later, Admiral and I toured each room. I pointed out each blue taped item. "Hm, that's always been here. Don't know where that came from. I've always liked that. Yea, I'm glad that's going." were some of his remarks, delighting me that he agreed with 99% of my choices.
      Then he got quiet. Seriously he said "I don't have any blue tape on me, do I?"

Is this how you do business?

2012-02-06T15:15:00.000-08:00

      Wedding plans weighed heavily on me. Honeymoon #1 ended adn real life began again when the plane touched down in RVA on the January afternoon cloaked in winter dull. Admiral and I had passed the first of what would be many trials at life together with flying colors.
      Flowers were the next item to line up on the wedding to-do check list. There were names of three florists who did over-the-top statement floral work. I looked forward to seeing their shops, the lovely flowers, planning the bouquets and getting to know them. And so it was that on the coldest Monday morning in early February I popped into the premier florist shop.
      Christmas decor was coming down, replaced by Valentine's red and pink. In the tiny store boxes and dust were everywhere, giving no room for the exquisite display I was expecting. While a designer put flowers in a vase, a man worked on a card table amongst piles of things that almost buried him.
      I asked "Do you do wedding flowers?"
      He looked up, put some papers in a stack, looked over his glasses at me and said "Yes, we do. We do the important big name weddings in town."
      "I'm at the right place. Bouquets and all wedding flowers are on my mind. You were recommended by several people. I know vaguely what I want and there's plenty of room for your creativity and style to explode. The wedding is September 10. Are there some pictures of work you've done that I can see?" I asked.
      Looking annoyed and moving papers on his table, he hollered "Hey, Jim, where's that photo album with the bouquets in it? It's around here somewhere."
     Jim said "Maybe it's in the cabinet. I haven't seen it in ages. I have to finish putting these ornaments away now."
     "I don't have time to look for it now. Honey, your wedding is so far away. Come back in April or May to talk about this." the man said, his voice dripping with annoyance, his look saying "I am so done with you."
     "My calendar's in the car. I'll go get it and we can set an appointment. I'm travelling a lot and want to be sure we talk." I replied.
     "Oh, honey, call in May to set it up." he said emphatically. Irritation oozed from his voice and face.
     "That's how you do business?" I asked.
     "Honey, call back in May." he said as he returned to his cluttered table.
      I left the disheveled and dirty store thinking "Now that's customer service. That's a phone call I won't make. "
      A week later, I went to florist #2 on my list. The shop was spacious, orderly and oddly quiet. "Hello. Anyone home?" I hollered, admiring the delightful arrangements.
     From the back a voice said "I'm coming. I'm putting the last flower in this vase." An attractive man appeared. "Hi there. Thanks for waiting. How can I help you?"he said.
     "I have a 1 o'clock appointment with Randy to talk about wedding flowers." I answered.
     "Randy isn't here. He's making deliveries and can't be reached." he said.
     Surprised I said "I talked to him weeks ago and he set this time and he's not here?!" I thought "It's been a long time since I was stood up. Everyone has cell phones and he's not reachable. That's one heck of a delivery he's on!"
     The phone rang a week later. The man said "Hi. It's Randy. I called to reschedule our appointment to talk about your flowers. "
     "Randy, honestly I was really surprised you weren't there. We'd set the appointment at your convenience! It's taken seven days to call me" I said.
     "I can explain." he said, sharing details causing his absence.
     I replied "I don't trust you to handle my wedding flowers. I don't know they'd get to the church on time. No one called to cancel the date. You've shone me your customer service and it's not for me. Thank you for your call today."
     I wondered "If top two florists do business like this, what's the third one like?"

Is timing really everything?

2012-01-27T09:27:00.000-08:00

      "Class, we're ending at 4 promptly today so if you want to ask questions, ask before 4. The airline made an agreement with me that the plane would leave, whether I was there or not. Perhaps you've had the same arrangement?" I told my students.    I was headed to Florida, the first trip there with Admiral.
      Plans had been made since Christmas for this January trip. "People today live and travel together all the time. We're engaged and don't know if we can live together. Let's go to Florida and practice living together." Admiral had said one cold December night. "Look at your calendar and see when you can get away. Arrange it anyway you can. Don't worry about the logistics. My team will get you to and from the airport whenever you need. Pack your suitcase and I'll take it with me when I drive down in January." he continued.
      Not one to turn down a trip, I found several two week increments for winter play in Florida.   That meant work focused and hard for two weeks at home to have play time. "Let's call it honeymooning. We're practicing this honeymoon stuff til we get it right. At our age it may take a long time since it's hard to teach old dogs new tricks." Admiral said, his eyes twinkling.
      When the plane touched down in Ft. Lauderdale, my heart raced. In a few minutes I'd be with my guy, ending a week apart.  I hoped I had the right clothes. We had talked frequently, he filling me in on what he was doing in his FL house to get it ready for me.   Cleaning was the major project as the house had been closed up since April.   While he talked about all the cleaning he was doing, I was recalling cleaning my granny's summer cottage on the rivah bank from the winter's closing. There were snake skins on the mantle, mouse nests in drawers and cabinets and more woodland critters' abandoned homes decorating the loosely secured cottage.
      Knowing he is fastidious about his toys' cleanliness, I wasn't surprised about his activities. Thankfully he found time to get the 'little boat' in the water.
      The ride from Ft. Lauderdale to Naples was long under the clear starry sky. Because it was midnight it seemed endless. And I was exhausted from a full work day and long travel. The adrenalin had run out.  What a way to start a honeymoon.
      At last he parked in the drive way, a cozy area surrounded by tall building, lush greenery, palm trees and  orange, red and hot pink flowers blooming in the warm night air. A shell wreath welcomed me at the door.
      "Welcome to our home and playground." Admiral said as we stood in the light airy foyer.   "Let the honeymoon continue."
      "And here's the dining room." he said, pointing to a table at one end of a large room, piled high with all things put away in cabinets for years. My heart sank. "I told you I'd been cleaning out. I didn't know all this stuff was packed away.   I've pulled everything out of everywhere.   You go through it and keep what you want and think you can use. The rest of it we'll get rid of." he stated matter of factly.   Now I was overwhelmed. I'd never seen such a pile of stuff, not one bit different from what was stashed around my house.
      Fatigue took over. The tour ended when I said "I'm worn out. I can't go another minute."
      The next day that mountain was still there. I had no clue what to do.   I thought I was here to play and this was not my idea of play. I went through every closet, cabinet and drawer to see what was left and useful. More things I added to the pile, praying the table wouldn't collapse.
      "Admiral, come here. I'm not believing this." I hollered from the kitchen, looking at a complete set of Wedgewood Potpourri china. "These dishes were my wedding china! I didn't like them when I picked them out and I still don't like 'em."
      "I don't like them either. Get rid of them." he said to my delight.
      Boat rides, outings and get-away trips to Walmart were escapes from the daunting pile, whose disappearance had become my responsibility. "Let's get boxes at the grocery, fill them up and give it to Goodwill." I said.
      Admiral agreed, 'Yea, this stuff needs to get outta here."
      "It'll take us 5 trips to take this stuff away so get ready. We can do it in a morning." I said as cheerfully as I could.
      "Hey, lots of this stuff belonged to my late wife and her brother lives 5 minutes away. Maybe he'll want it and see that her brothers and sisters get it." he said.
      Several days later, Brother came, delighted to get so many of his late sister's belongings. After a grand visit with the delightful man, the table was clear when he left. I know I heard it breathe a sigh of relief with Admiral and me.
      At last it was playtime. While walking on a white, sandy beach Admiral said "I've ordered your engagement ring. I designed it myself. I told you I'd do something different from the little ring you're wearing." Knowing how this engineer over-engineers things, my imagination went wild. "I hope there's some sparkle in it." I thought.
     "If you don't like it, it can be changed." he continued.   "Whew, thank heavens for that." I thought again.
      Finally we were around long enough for a neighbor to visit. Curious about all the activity in the usually quiet house, Hawkeye was all eyes and comments in the short tour to see what had changed in the house. As we chatted in the kitchen, she asked how we met, how family was taking it, what plans there were for his Florida house. Eventually we learned more about each others' work and delight in free time to winter in such a lovely place. She asked, "If you've been single for 19 years, why are you marrying Admiral now?"
      " Because he's the right man and I'm crazy about him." I answered emphatically. Admiral appeared around the corner and joined us, ending Hawkeye's inquisition.
      After she left, I told Admiral about her relentless questions, especially asking why I accepted his proposal.
      He replied " Oh, she was a best girlfriend to my late wife."

How do you move an airplane?

2012-01-06T12:55:00.000-08:00

      The table was ready.   Getting put out was the cat’s reward for shamelessly chowing down at the shrimp bowl.   Admiral was glowing as friends arrived to celebrate his birthday.
      “Hey, what’re you doing in town now, man? Usually you’re outta here when snow’s on the ground.” “Did you lose your mind when you met Smokie and forget that it’s cold here?” “I’m glad to meet this gal you’ve mentioned. I was wondering about her.” were some friend’s comments. They know how Admiral hates cold to the point the first snow flake sends him packing to warmer climates.
      As we partied, Admiral announced “Guys, I need your help in the garage.   I built this trailer to haul my airplane to the warehouse for the winter. Give me a hand to get the scrap wood on top of it.”   Guys and wives piled into the garage, wowed by its order, cleanliness and bright blue sparkly floor.
      “Hey, man! What’s with this glitzy garage?” “You’ve got a show place here.” “I don’t think Smokie’s going to allow you to spill oil on the floor and rebuild motors in here.” Admiral’s long time friends exclaimed. Setting their refreshments down, they lifted, heaved and hefted the wooden mess onto the trailer.
      “Thanks, guys, for your help. Get another drink and eat some more. “ Admiral said as he admired the order returned to the garage, his most sacred territory.
      “OK. Let’s gather around.” Admiral told guests later. “I want you to meet Smokie. She knows most of you and will soon know the rest of you. I’m delighted to say we’re getting married. No date yet. You’ll be the first to know after we do. “  He continued “ You’re wondering why I’m here in this dreadful cold snow. I’ve been getting treatments everyday and I couldn’t go anywhere til they’re over. I’m happy to say the last one is tomorrow. I’m not sure the machine is turned on as I’ve had no adverse effects. There is much to celebrate for all of us because we can stand up, drive, and think we’re in our right minds.” Agreeing, everyone cheered heartily, raising a toast to health and happiness.
      A few days later as Admiral collected things for warm sunshine in Florida, we discussed a wedding date. “It takes time to plan a wedding, no matter the size. So let’s set the date and get the church and reception place booked. Then I know what we have to do and when.” I suggested.
      “Good idea. Time can get away from us. Summer’s too bloody hot and we want to cruise up to Nantucket on the boat. Then it’s fall and I don’t want anyone on the road on Labor Day weekend.” he said.
      As I got the calendar with our travel dates on it, I asked “What’s your favorite month?” “September.” he replied.
      Looking at the calendar I exclaimed “ Gee, September's busy. Look at this! There are 2 weeks here in September open, beginning the weekend after Labor Day. What do you think?” I asked.
      Surprised he said “Let me see that calendar.” Looking at it he grinned and said “Hey, 9-10-11 it is! Who’d’ve thought! That’s easy to remember.”
      The church and reception were booked for September 10. Now there was serious planning to do.
      I was clueless about today’s wedding customs.   What better way to get the skinny on what to do and how and know questions to ask the experts.
      So several days later we were at the Wedding Expo, a showcase of vendors that had even a slight hint of wedding in their services. Name tags labeled us Bride and Groom. Looking more like grandparents, we wandered the aisles with other Brides, Grooms and friends who didn’t look old enough to be driving. Attire ran the gamut: jeans, professional dress, and over the top tattoos displayed from too revealing clothing.
      The music blared current love songs. “I can’t stand talking over loud music. You think some background music might be here?” Admiral asked.
      Admiral was a trooper. He experienced a Freeze Frame booth for the first time, totally curious about how it all worked. While I talked to vendors, he stood, looking shell-shocked at the pregnant brides followed by pimply faced boys.
      One event planner drew us in with casual conversation. “I see you’re the Bride and Groom. How nice. Have you set your date?” she solicited, her expression saying ‘Are you real?’
      Admiral answered proudly “Oh, yes. Nine ten eleven.”
      She continued “That’s very soon. “
      Admiral quipped “At our age we can’t tarry. We’ve set the church and reception, too.”
      “And where are they?” she asked, ready to close the deal.
      “We’re getting married at St. James’s Episcopal Church followed by the reception at the Country Club of Virginia.” he stated.
      She replied “Well, aren’t you the King and Queen!”

What happened to all the snacks?

2011-12-06T07:32:00.000-08:00

      The church goers greeted us warmly after we heard why Santa do what Santa do. “Y’all come back’” each said, moving on as their curiosity was satisfied.
      The Porters, who befriended Admiral during his college days, were there and very welcoming since their last visit years ago. As we followed them up the long winding drive to their home, Admiral said "It's the same house I remembered 50 years ago." Tales of family, friends, funerals and weddings filled the air. Fortunately the chatter was louder than my tummy, roaring to say “feed me.”
      Mid afternoon, following the Porters, we took off for lunch about 30 miles down the road in the next town. I did say we were at 40 and plum, didn't I? That's for 40 miles out and plum in the sticks. Enroute Admiral and I searched the car for snacks, only to recall we polished them off yesterday.
      Our eyes danced at the all-you-can-eat buffet.   Extreme will power and a rational head prevailed to select bits of yummy faves, totally satisfying any hunger pangs that may think about stirring.
      All I can say about the drive back to RVA was it was long. "Where did all the traffic come from? Why do they clog up the road I'm on?" I wondered while Admiral napped as I drove.
      Christmas plans came, went and made for a fun, very social holiday. At parties we met each other's friends. Admiral was amazed I knew some of his friends. Did he know I went out with one of them? He wondered whom I didn’t know.
      There is no place better to end a year or begin a new one than the Hope & Glory Inn in Irvington.    The handsomely designed cottages, clever gardens (even in the bleak winter) and delightful lobby with fascinating guests provided stimulating conversations, connecting with ole acquaintances. We had such fun that time slipped away, making us very late meeting wonderful friends for dinner and ringing in the new year.
      All too soon the clock struck midnight. Welcome 2011. What would it be like?

When did you get on the wrong bus?

2011-11-22T09:45:00.000-08:00

      The day after Thanksgiving we were on the road, again. We were taking advantage of two days off from treatments for a holiday.
      With half of his treatments completed, Admiral said “I don’t think the machine is turned on. I don’t feel anything. I don’t have any reactions. I guess it’s working. We’ll find out when it’s over, I reckon. I haven’t seen Dr. Roundface since our first visit. I did meet her associate last week. He seems very young. He’s alright since he’s interested in flying.”
      The weekend was the big game in Blacksburg between Virginia and Virginia Tech, Admiral’s alma mater.   He had planned the trip, keeping details a secret to surprise me as they unfolded. That’s a smart man who knows I love surprises!
      On the way we stopped at Auntie Anne’s, my BFF since kindergarten, for a short visit. As we left, she whispered to me “ He’s a keeper. I know something’s up. Don’t let him get away. ”
      The trip to Blacksburg was quick, with memories of taking my daughter there years ago. Admiral told tales of his life with his Model A and various roomies during his 4 years.
      Tech’s Virginia Inn was comfy, the lobby filled with decorated Christmas trees, reminding us that Christmas was on the horizon. The fire in the lobby’s fireplace was toasty and where we and guests stayed for the greater part of the evening, warming ourselves and chatting about the trip there and tomorrow’s game.
      Game day was clear, bright and windy, as only it can be in Blacksburg. Spotting a bus in front of the hotel, we climbed aboard. Everyone wore big important looking badges. As we talked to the passengers, we found out we were on the bus for the Board of Visitors, there for a big deal meeting and to enjoy the game! Of course, the bus ride was fast to Lane Stadium, with all traffic stopped for quick turns and easy access right to the main entrance!
      Eventually we found the Engineering sky box on the top floor. It was packed with people of all ages and styles of warm dress.   Snacks were plentiful and filling. The game was exciting.   The more touchdowns we scored against Miami, the better we liked it and the more we cheered, making strangers more comfortable with each other.   A final score of 31 – 17 was splendid, inducing high fives among the crowd.
      Fans leaving the stadium always look like how I imagine immigrants looked landing on Ellis Island. We were two of thousands streaming to the parking lots.   At the main gate the only sight of a bus was its back end roaring off into the distance. Soon we lucked into a classmate’s tail gate party where we warmed up with a toddy and ham biscuit with classmates and more school day stories. It's a wonder any of them made it to class, let alone to graduation and successful careers.
      We said so long and walked uphill to the main road where city buses lined a distant curb. Admiral walked up to a policeman and asked for directions to get back to the Inn. I wasn’t believing this - a man asking directions!
      “I forgot what the guy said. Let’s get on this bus. The driver will tell us how to get to the hotel.” Admiral said as we boarded a bus, trusting it was going our way.
      Sure enough, when we got off where the driver directed us, the hotel was visible. The driver said it was 2 blocks, looking more like 20 miles to us. We walked fast into the raw wind, Admiral pulling me along to keep pace with his rapid steps. At the hotel, I beat him to the fire.
      Admiral’s 4-year college career was varied. He played in the Highty Tighties, managed and played bass in his bluegrass band, and played other musical gigs anywhere he could get paid. The stories of events entertained me for hours. Relationships made then he continues to this day with visits and chats when he’s in the area.
      The next day was clear, without wind. Off we went on an adventure to visit places and people Admiral knew during his gigs years ago.    “I’m taking you to church today.” he said as we left the hotel. “I can find the little country church, I’m sure. Things don’t change much in the boondocks.” he added.
      A twisting road at 40 and plum (40 miles out and plum in the sticks) ended at Mountain Lake Hotel, where the movie Dirty Dancing was filmed.   Admiral rolled in laughter as he relived leaving a gig there.
      It was dark and cold. The car was full of guys and instruments, with the bass tied to the front of the car, obstructing his view as he drove down the curving mountain road through snow.   He said “I never told Mom about these things. Guess I didn’t tie the bass on very well because it fell off. We looked over the side of the road and never found it.”
      “Oh, oh. It’s time for church. Let’s roll.” he hollered as he ran out the door of the resort to the car. I could see him driving that old Model A down that mountain road while he ran it too fast for my comfort. Finally he stopped at a church. It was a typical country church – white, steeple with cross on top, pointed front doors, a few large windows and several cars parked on the lawn around it. Yet it was no ordinary church. It was the one that Admiral had gone to when the Porters befriended him in the last century.
      The service was underway when we entered, seeing 25 mostly elderly people scattered about the small room. As heads turned to see who the late arrivals were, we settled on the back row to be unobtrusive.
      To the right of the chancel a large screen and the latest projector were suspended from the ceiling. “Hum, the preacher looks to be about 35ish and I guess he’s tech savvy. There’s some high powered tech stuff here. Wonder if he’ll use powerpoint for his sermon. ” I thought.
      While I was unwrapping my layers of warm outer wear, I heard Admiral snicker under his breath. He poked me and pointed at the screen.   In giant letters were WHY DO SANTA DO WHAT SANTA DO?

What makes you lose your mind?

2011-11-06T15:13:00.000-08:00

      Thanksgiving Day is a funny day. As a single woman I’ve done all kinds of things to enjoy a day filled with families coming together, laughing and having a good time, supposedly. For some it’s sad. For others it’s exciting. This Thanksgiving was going to be memorable, as most of my first time events with Admiral were.
      His family tradition is for him to carve the turkey and ham at his sister’s annual family feast.   I was on review before the family clan of thousands – a true acid test, if ever there is.
      Her present was wrapped and ready to go days earlier. Nothing like bringing a nice gift to make a good impression.
      With great anticipation Thanksgiving Day arrived and it was a full day. Long before I met Admiral friend Ann and I had committed to be host volunteers at the Community Dinner. Duties there would end about 2 so I’d be free for the rest of the day. Knowing this his sister generously would hold dinner until we arrived about 3ish.
      As Admiral and I drove through the woods and over the hills on narrow country roads, our conversation covered tales of being river rats (a term for children from Richmond who spent summers messing about on the water) and names and relations of attendees – his sister, nieces, nephews, cousins, and any friends who showed up. I was confident I’d get three names right, especially since one was his sister, whom I’d already met. Coaching, while he hunted for a place to park, about who owned the cars in the driveway at his sister’s house was invaluable.
      His sister greeted me at the door with a big hug and “Welcome. We’re so glad you’re here. Everyone wants to meet you.”
      I replied “Happy Turkey Day. You’re so kind to include me and I really appreciate you holding dinner for us.   I have a gift for you and I forgot it. When your brother gets near me, everything goes out of my head.”

When are you dazzled by BSOs?

2011-10-25T06:53:00.000-07:00

      "You're the first to see it. Admiral just gave it to me." I glowed to my daughter during her birthday dinner.   "It's a friendship ring." The BSO (bright shiny object) sparkled in the light.
      Girlfriends are the best for sharing yummy exciting things, relishing them over again as you tell each detail of events. Three weeks earlier I called Artsy. When she answered the phone, I blurted “Admiral just asked me to marry him and I said YES! Can you believe it?”
     “Were you surprised?” she asked. It’s been 7 weeks and I’m surprised at me! When he asked me, I   said ‘I’ll think about it.’ then 5 minutes later I said yes. This wasn’t part of my plan as you well know. So it looks like I’ll get a new plan.” I said.
      “I couldn’t wait.” Admiral said excitedly. “I had to give you this.” He handed me an oval highly polished brass box I’d seen at his home. “Oh, geez. What is this. Can I fake being excited about this box?” I thought.
       In it was a present, wrapped by Admiral himself. The layers of paper and scotch tape gave way from the little square box, revealing the most beautiful ring. It was gold with a sparkly sapphire surrounded by tiny diamonds. It took my breath away.
      “I wanted to give you something special. Let’s call it a friendship ring for now. I’ll get you something better later.” Admiral said.
     “You know, we’re celebrating my daughter’s birthday tonight. It’ll be a double celebration and she’ll be the first to know about the ring.” I said, surprised and loving the bright shiny object on my hand.

How many things go in a ring box?

2011-10-03T15:16:00.000-07:00

      Artsy and I began a Smart Woman's tradition with the Urbanna Oyster Festival. We invite friends to go with us   This year our guys are our invited guests to share the fun. Thousands flock to this waterfront town for two days to devour the featured bi-valve, making good parking impossible. Hearing us whine about parking being less than easy, Admiral, with a quick phone call, arranged prime parking for us in town! Don't you love a man who gets things done!
       As things usually go with friends in crowds, we got separated from Artsy and her guy because of the big black monster.
      The bus was gigantic and black, like the one Pres. Obama used on his August Midwest tour.    Admiral was beside himself with excitement.
      “What’s so exciting about a bus? It is chilly and I’m ready to get out of the cold for a while.” I thought as I agreed to touring this black monster.   Admiral was quick to point out the differences between the one he owned and this one since this one was glitzy and filled with lights, chrome and mirrors. And that was the inside.
      Warmed again and still full of oysters, we walked to the car in the primo place, looking for Artsy and her guy with each step. Of course, in my effort to travel light, I’d left my cell phone in the car.   When we got to the car, we found a note from Artsy. “Come on in the restaurant around the corner and get warm with us.”   That’s a smart woman!
      The drive home was warm and very short as we recalled the best oysters (fritters from the Lions Club, she crab soup from the Methodist church), the people we saw and vows to save the date for 2011.
      Over casual suppers and outings in boats, planes and old cars, Admiral and I got to know each other better. Respect deepened as we shared gut and heart wrenching losses of marriages from death for him and divorce for me, dreams gone awry and unplanned successes that took us to mountaintops. We realized how precious our relationship was. To be healthy, acutely mentally alert, totally in charge of ourselves, and to have fabulous resources was a miracle at our age.   At times we understood each other better than we understood ourselves.
     Birthday dinner with my RVA daughter was another first for Admiral. He was finally meeting a child he’d heard much about.   She knew this was special as she’d never had more than a fleeting glimpse of men I dated. After opening her presents, she handed me one. “You gave me a birthday present already. What’s this?” I asked about the ring-box shaped, beautifully wrapped package.
     “Open it and see.” she grinned.
     “It’s a pacifier. What’s happening? What in the world… I get it! Are you…? “ I asked excitedly.
     “Yep. Due in late May. Congratulations, GoGo. Grandbaby #2 is on the way.” she announced. “You’re the first to know so keep it quiet ‘til I can tell the rest of the family.”
      Then she said, “Hey, Mom, I haven’t seen you wear a ring for years. It looks like Princess Kate’s engagement ring. What’s that?”

A Phenomenal Woman

2011-09-27T11:25:00.000-07:00

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies
I’m not cute or built to suit a model’s fashion size
But when I start to tell them
They think I’m telling lies.
I say
It’s in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips
The stride of my steps
The curl of my lips.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal woman
That’s me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please
And to a man
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees
Then they swarm around me
Like a bunch of honey bees
I say
It’s the fire in my eyes
And the flash of my teeth
The swing of my waist
And the joy in my feet.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal woman
That’s me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can’t see.
I say
It’s in the arch of my back
The sun of my smile
The ride of my breasts
The grace on my style.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal woman
That’s me.

Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say
It’s in the click of my heels
The bend of my hair
The palm of my hand the need for my care.
‘Cause I’m a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal woman
That’s me.

by Maya Angelou

Up Close and Personal with the Man in the Moon

2011-09-13T08:12:00.000-07:00

        It was time for the acid test. Girlfriends, cherished soul mates who speak truth, met Admiral. The evening was great fun and noisy, of course, with a dozen women talking at once. Admiral loved every minute of being the only man there and being the center of attention. He grinned from ear to ear, posed for snapshots, and talked easily with all. The next day each friend confirmed what I felt - he's a keeper.
       "Let's fly up for the day." Admiral said when I talked about an extreme acid test - meeting my Delaware family. “You set the date and I’ll get us there in time for lunch.” he said.
       The flight to Wilmington, DE was easy and scenic. The little 'potato chip' plane flew smoothly under Admiral's control, across the Chesapeake Bay, over farmland, cities and interesting landmarks.
       The whole clan picked us up at the airport and took us to a charming restaurant in New Castle. The minute Admiral left the table they were full of questions about this man. “So, are you taking flying lessons?” # 1 Son asked right off the bat.
       When Admiral returned, the questions changed. Yummy food was consumed over easy conversation with a heavy helping of check-out-the-new-guy-this-must-be-serious undercurrent for this first meeting.
       Enjoying ourselves caused a later-than-planned departure for home.  The return flight was expectedly smooth.   Colors were brilliant as the sun set. Lights twinkled on the ground below and in the heavens above us. Conversation was animated as usual.   Suddenly the plane was in a steep bank. “What’s going on? I’m going to throw up. This is the end.” I thought.
       When I felt the plane level, I opened my eyes.   We were flying straight into the biggest full moon I'd ever seen! I felt like I could reach out and tickle his chin!
       Admiral held my hand and said “Look, the moon’s laughing at us. Do you think he laughs as much as we do?”

Camping Out with Irene

2011-08-30T09:41:00.000-07:00

“Will the drama never cease!” I exclaimed as I watched the Weather Channel. In RVA hurricanes are part of our summer weather, violent as they are. For days the hype built. Irene was huge, strong and getting bigger with each telecast.

The reporter was standing in surf in front of the Red Neck Palace in Kill Devil Hills. This beachfront cottage has been falling in the ocean for 12 years, at least. Hurricane Irene was on the way. At 14 mph she moved at my speed and there was plenty of warning to get to the grocery and stock up.

“It’s raining here.” Mary said. “I’m staying and riding Irene out. Stores are closed. Home Depot is open still. Oh, CNN interviewed my husband and it should be televised soon.” She continued. As we talked the TV flashed to Nags Head where Mary lives. Irene was arriving.

Irene was a big gal – as wide as Europe. Rain and wind projections and past experience said water would come in my house. For the first time in 18 years my house was empty – not one stick of anything, except sheets and towels, remained. “That’s all I need to stay at Sugar House – where life is sweet. I’ll camp out. The power never goes out. I can cook on the gas stove and take a hot shower. This’ll be an adventure.” I thought. My hurricane ready kit included projects to do sans electricity (in case power goes out), a good book, towels for mopping water, candles, matches, beach chair, health bars, chocolate and lots of diet coke.

The rain fell in torrents. The wind howled. I watched from each window while wiping up water blown through the sashes. Sheets of rain flew by. Blossoms on the crepe myrtles and flowers were blown off hours ago. The wind made eerie noises as it screamed by the front door.

Final cleaning to ready Sugar House for the next resident was my second priority, behind mopping up water.

“Just heard a tree’s down by your new house.” Wanda said. Thank heavens for cell phones. “Just saw it on Ch. 12. Thought you’d want to know."

Irene’s screaming winds and banging rain provided background sounds to the chat with my new neighbor I’d met the day before. “Yes, the tree fell. It’s on the other side of my house – well away from yours.” Alice volunteered. “I’ll call you if I see anything happening at your place.”

Lights flickered. “Is this it? Daylight’s fading. I better find the candles and matches now. “ I decided.

Ready for the worst I relaxed in my beach chair, watched wind-blown rain dance off the buildings, saw trees sway and connected with children and girlfriends, while sipping a Starbuck’s, brought in and reheated to make this adventure civilized. If I’m camping, I want all the luxuries.

Darkness fell. Sitting under the lone overhead light, I read, drank wine, and nibbled my dinner.

Perfect evenings end when it’s time to mop water and fix my bed – pads and layers of sheets piled on the floor on top of each other. As I crawled in, the floor got hard. As I settled under the covers, it got harder. My bones got sharper.

“And my children used to sleep like this! No wonder they were awake half the night.” I thought. “This sucks. Life here isn’t sweet now. I don’t do floor sleeping. What were you thinking! I can drive to my new house and that comfy bed would feel so fabulous. But it’s raining. I don’t know where trees are down or if the highway is open. I hate being out in driving rain. I’d better stay here. I can do this. Good night, Irene.” I said.

I must've slept as I woke to a breathtakingly beautiful morning. The clearest blue sky highlighted with pink puffies was my first sight. The quiet was almost deafening. Irene was gone. All was well. The drama had ceased.

With love on your 111th Birthday, Aunt Kate

2011-08-15T06:21:00.000-07:00

      “You’re wearing a path through my yard. You’ve got to stop that. “ Aunt Kate sternly said as she stopped me in my tracks on the way to second grade.   Her yard was half way between home and school, a path walked almost daily. Filled with fear and trembling, I said “Yes, ma’m. I won’t do it again.” On my way I went, thinking “When is she gone so she won’t catch me again?”
      Aunt Kate was a large woman with a strong voice. Married to my mother’s brother, Aunt Kate was a solid Christian, the first woman elected to the governing body of her church when women were more silent than heard. She was my god mother, a role she took seriously. And she was the woman who most positively influenced me and truly loved me.
      Knowing how crazy my family was, she gave me glimpses of a sane, loving world. She bought me my first new tennis racket, replacing the hand-me-down racket from Mother’s teen years. With her I experienced my first airplane ride - all the way across the country. We were visiting her grandchildren, cousins who were my age. On that flight I sat by the window, taking in the scenery, spellbound by huge flat fields, glacier covered mountains and the Grand Canyon. I don’t think I moved a muscle.
      The entire summer was spent experiencing life in Silicon Valley.   There were strawberries to pick; the chilly very salty Pacific Ocean to wade in; a swimming pool for daily splashing and cousins to hang out with. I didn’t want to go home.
      Eight weeks at Camp Alleghany in the West Virginia hills were heaven. Another whole summer away from home was better than good. Home sick was never in my vocabulary.
      When my parents went away for months, I got to stay with Aunt Kate. These were the times I got As at school.   The routine was rigid, centered on doing homework and all that makes A students. She was so authoritarian I didn’t want to know what any consequences were so I always followed her rules and life was good.
I never really got how special Aunt Kate was until she and Uncle Garland moved to Westminster-Canterbury, where you could live and be cared for ‘til you died.   She wasn’t going to be a burden to her children in declining years, as she experienced taking care of her father in his decline.
      Born in 1900 she delighted in telling every and anyone how old she was. On her 90th birthday the whole clan, 60 strong, gathered from across the country to honor her. Many of the nine girls named Katharine after her were there. My daughter is K8.
      When my marriage ended, I dreaded telling her, fearful she would be disappointed in me. Again she wanted to provide for me.
      Aunt Kate began to slow down after Uncle Garland passed away. Soon she gave up leading Stretch-&-Tone for sister residents and her church activities.   Failing health and memory took her to assisted living where she lived in a room with familiar furniture and a hospital bed.
      I took her to see my new home, bought with her blessing. I dreaded telling her son and the infirmary team that she’d fallen on the stoop and skinned up her shin badly. Luckily nothing was broken. When I told her son about it, he said she was always klutzy, another little known fact.
      Faithfully I visited her, noticing each time how much thinner and frailer she was, how little she asked and how much I loved her.   One visit was unforgettable. Aunt Kate was sitting in her favorite chair with her half eaten lunch on the tray before her.   When I asked about her meal, she said “I’m waiting for the train to come.   It slows down so I can pass my tray though the window to them and the poor people on board will have something to eat.” She didn’t mind if I waited with her until the train came.
      After I left, I had to pull the car over and park while I wept with a broken heart. My precious fairy godmother Aunt Kate, whom I loved dearly, was gone. The woman who really, really loved me had been stolen by dementia.

What's Going On Isn't What You Think Is Going On

2011-08-09T09:12:00.000-07:00

I was feeling overwhelmed. My book Smart Women Make Their Own Rules was in its final stages of printing, plans were underway for signings and there wasn’t enough of me to go around. How was I going to manage all that and a relationship too?

“I’m in his sights, I know it. I just don’t know what I want to do.” I told Smith. “This is going faster than I thought.”

“So why are you resisting what’s happening? He’s offering you what you want. What’s going on?”Smith asked.

When feeling out of control, I resort to getting order by making order out of chaos. An energy zapping messy office bookcase was the target. At completion many books were stacked up to go to Goodwill, notebooks were tossed and old journals were set aside for my old journal ritual.

Journaling is a marvelous tool. I started the practice when my marriage was falling apart, life was too painful and I was at my wit’s end. As life changes, journal pages fill and they rest on a shelf until ritual time. The ritual is quite simple: I burn each page, scattering the ashes in a special place in my garden.

In the cover of darkness, I sat in my garden and watched flames consume each page. One page was different with columns on it vs. the paragraphs that cleared my head. “Hmm, I’d better set this one aside and read it later. It looks too different.” I thought.

In the light of my cozy room I read the set-aside page. It was titled My Man – 2004. In two columns were lwords - the values and traits I wanted in my man. As I read it, I was awed. I couldn’t believe it! I wrote it in ’04 and here I am in 2011- reading each word that described Admiral.

“So why am I hesitating?” I ask myself. “Smokie, you don’t feel like you deserve this guy. Look at your self esteem. You asked for this man and here he is. You are so worthy of this guy. Get over yourself. “

New Friends among Forever Friends

2011-07-28T05:44:00.000-07:00

      A few days later Admiral and I attended a fund raiser for Children Inc. to see Seldom Scene, whose banjo player was a college friend.   People that had blown me off chatted easily with me – because I was Admiral’s date. “I remember the time you landed your helicopter on my dock! It was most exciting.” one snooty gal exclaimed. When I told Admiral how suddenly I was okay to talk to, he laughed and said “Sounds like ‘em.”
      We flew to Raleigh to celebrate the birthday of one of his first grade friends. I love private flying – no rude TSA! Classmates howled as they recalled Admiral’s antics. There’s a lot to be said for one who has friends from elementary school.
      The next day we returned to Richmond in time for another of Admiral’s friend’s birthday party who goes to my church. Richmond’s small world makes life easy often. More stories came out about midnight takeoffs to the Bahamas from Florida, how he helped people sleep because he fixed their boat air conditioning on sultry hot nights, and rendezvous in exotic places on his magnificent yachts.   Always the gentleman, he stood by quietly and smiling as people told stories on him with delight.
      The Smart Woman’s tradition of going to the Urbanna Oyster Festival with friends was coming up. “Do I invite Admiral? What the hey, let’s do it." I thought.   Not only did he gladly accept my invitation, he used connections to arrange a splendid parking place inside the tiny town where parking miles from the action is the procedure. One more time he shows he’s my kind of guy.
      Wandering through shops, looking at the sites and eating oysters is the activity. As we chatted and strolled through an art show, he asked me what I was looking for on match. “My last first date.” I replied. Grinning widely, he said “Me, too. “

When is 'no big deal' a big deal?

2011-07-18T05:10:00.000-07:00

      Weeks later over dinner Smith said "Sounds like you're softening on Boats. You're really enjoying his company now." "Yes, I am. He's so kind and dear. He's really a dear man. Our conversations are so open and honest and from the heart. No holds barred. I call him Admiral because he's all about boats. And we agree politically." I said. "But I'm still not sure."
      During another boat outing Admiral said “There’s something I have to tell you. It’s no big deal but you need to know.” My stomach clinched and my mind raced with all kinds of ideas about what dreaded thing he’d say. Finally I said to my gremlin Bitch, “Silly girl, be quiet and listen.”
      Admiral continued “Some time ago I had a cancer diagnosis. I went to the best surgeon and he told me they got it all. Seems it’s back now and I’m looking at radiation. It’s no big deal.”
      “Oh my! I’m so sorry to hear that. What can I do for you? How can I help you?” I asked. Selfishly I was relieved to know my mental gymnastics were just that.
      “I have a doctor’s appointment next week. I’ll probably have treatments. I hate that it means I may have to be here in cold weather. I really don’t like cold weather.” Admiral said matter of factly.
      “No one’s going to the doctor with him and that’s not right. This is big and I can’t let him go alone. I’ll ask him if he wants me to go. I don’t want to push in where I’m not wanted, tho” I told Kathleen, my mentor in all things single.
      Several days later I was sitting across the desk from Dr. Roundface with Admiral with a list of questions to ask in my Mother mode. Dr. Roundface covered all points and Admiral said “When do I start? I want to leave for warm weather soon and treatments are keeping me here too long.”
      When I and friends need reinforcement, I email a prayer request to girlfriends to pray for the person and the situation. Such a note promptly went out requesting prayers for my precious Admiral. Kathleen’s email came back “Precious. Hmm. Sounds serious.”

Boats, Planes and Convertibles

2011-06-30T08:42:00.000-07:00

   “What can you lose?” Smith said to me over dinner one night. “He sounds nice. Accept his next date and have fun. You don’t have to marry him.”
    Taking Smith's advice with a fun what-the-heck-can-I-lose? attitude I accepted his next date. It was truly amazing. At 0-dark-early Boats picked me up and drove me in his antique Model A to the small local airport. With only a purse and picnic lunch I had prepared in hand he flew us to another rural airport where we got in his cute convertible and drove 20 minutes to his boat! My head was reeling. Was this really happening to me? Pinch myself!
    At the helm Boats skillfully guided his 35’ power boat from its slip to the open waters of the Chesapeake Bay. Did I say it was a childhood playground for both of us? The October air was warm, boat traffic scarce.  “Be careful. Don’t lead him on. Be clear that you’re looking for friendship and fun. Sounds like you’re in his sights.” I thought.
    I asked “Where are you headed?” “Well, you said you’d like to go to Tangier Island for a day trip so that’s what we’re doing.” he replied.
    Conversation centered on his world built for two, his collection of antique cars he restored himself, numerous boats and planes used for his business and adventures on the water. The scenery was watery and chanting was esy as I sat by him in the double wide captain’s chair built for two.
    Tangier’s harbor is quaint and colorful, lined with work boats, buoys and stacks of crab traps, tools of the many watermen who ply the waters pursuing those local crustaceans.
    With his boat tied up at a dock, we strolled along the streets of Tangier, dodging golf carts, bicycles and the occasional truck, taking in the small community.   We talked about life as we grew up, our adult lives with spouses and life today as singles.   "You've been single too long" Boats said. I didn't know what he meant and I did think about living alone so long I get set in my ways like concrete.
    Our picnic lunch we consumed onboard after an ice cream stop on land and watched boats come and go.  The ride back to the marina was quick and easy.
   The boat was putty under his control, docked flawlessly in its slip like it’d never left.    After a short ride to the airport (no security checks here), we were taking off again in his plane. Destination Richmond before sunset.   From the air we found many private grass airstrips, cultivated farm land and forests, traced rivers flowing to the Bay, discussed clouds and continued playing ‘Do you know…?’
    Boats landed his plane for two flawlessly, taxing to the hanger where we disembarked. The ride to my house in his Model A was delightful. He recounted driving it across country from Washington,DC to Seattle with his grandson a few years earlier in the Great Race. He declined my offer to come in after he deposited me and the empty picnic basket in my home.
    As I closed my front door, I was reflecting on my date with Boats, a most unique successful man with plenty of toys that ignite my sense of adventure.   As he drove away, I heard “aahooga”, a fitting “Good night” from an old car in mint condition with a delightful outrageous man who likes to play behind the wheel.   Smith’s advice was spot on – have fun with the guy to have fun with.

Like Two Dogs Meeting in the Park

2011-06-08T07:35:00.000-07:00

       Lunch with a stranger is awkward at best, especially when you're sizing each other up with the dating agenda. Boats took my coat to hang up, pulled my chair out for me to be seated and asked the waiter to bring some water. He got points for that.
      Throughout lunch we discovered we grew up 4 blocks from each other, went to the same church and he delivered my family's newspaper. My brother's best friend grew up next door to him. We spent childhood summers at the river (a Richmond tradition). Being older than I, our paths never crossed. What a small world - so like RVA.
      After graduating with an engineering degree (I' ve never been able to talk to engineers or make sense of what they say) he began a business making gizmos for yachts.   I'd heard of the business last year from a church member who was moving to Europe to handle the company's Middle East business.
      He sold that business after decades of bounding success, retired and started two more businesses which he gave to key employees. (Dang! How generous. I'm impressed.) He told me about his suburban house, winter home in Florida (he hates cold weather) and his future plans.
      His wife died suddenly in April (they just married the previous December) and now he's single again. He likes being married. I felt a catch in my stomach when I heard that. A rule of mine was at least 2 years being divorced or widowed and here I was with a guy whose wife passed away 6 months ago! Yikes!
      He had gobs of fun toys - motorcycles, antique cars, and boats (How does he have time to play with all of that?) He said his world was built for two and he was one looking for his two.   More points for having a clear goal.
      "Do you like to garden?" he asked. "Well, I have a little piece of dirt I dig in." I answered. He has extensive gardens his next-to-last late wife planted and admits he barely knows one plant from another.
      We played "Do you know.." and shared stories of match dates. His humor was delightful as he described the match gals and his adventures checking them out. They sounded too familiar. It's affirming to know the guys get a similar menu as the girls.
      I thought "OK. You've done your career. I just wrote Smart Women Make Their Own Rules; the Professional Woman's Guide to Igniting your Power, got a new coaching client and have a keen focus for my future. You're kicking back and I'm rolling. I don't see much future here."
      Three hours later Boats walked me to my car. For some reason I kissed him on the cheek. What was that about? I wondered. He waved as I drove by going to have dinner with Kathleen and tell her about another match date gone south.
      Daily Boats called and emailed me. Checking caller ID I didn't answer his calls and returned emails 24 hours later. He was relentless.   Guess he didn't have the same experience as I.

He Really Did What He Said

2011-05-25T14:06:00.000-07:00

“ Yes. This is Smokie,” I replied to the man’s inquiry when I answered the phone.

“This is Boats, from match. I answered your email the other day saying I’d call when I got to town and so I’m calling.” It was 10:30 Sunday morning. Usually I'm at church til 11:30. Is this Divine Intervention?

He continued “Will you fly to Williamsburg with me for lunch today?”

“I would love to” I answered quickly. Then I thought “How did he know I love flying in little planes? Oh, no! Suppose he’s Jack the Ripper and I’m in the plane. He could kill me….. You’d better rethink this.”
He continued “ It’s 10:30 now. There’s a window between 11 and 3 so I’ll pick you up.”

“I going to Charlottesville for dinner with friends and I don’t know what time I have to leave.” I said truthfully. “My friend’s calling later to tell me when to meet.”

“Here’s my number. You call me when dinner plans are settled.” he replied, clearly a man on a mission.

With his number jotted on a napkin, we hung up. I was thinking “Wow! Fly to Williamsburg for lunch is nuts. You can drive there in an hour; how’d he know I love to fly in little planes?”

I recalled Boats' conversation with Kathleen, my match mentor and friend I was meeting for dinner that evening. With 3:45 as my departure time, I called Boats back.

We agreed to a lunch meeting at 12:30 at a place his friend owns. I declined his offer to pick me up – a bad idea for a first totally blind date. And he could be Jack-the-Ripper.

In front of the restaurant I saw a short man in a yellow jacket and funny cap. “Is this he? He doesn’t look like what I remember. Wish I'd read his profile better.” I thought.

As I approached, he said “I’m Boats. You must be Smokie.”

“Guilty.” I answered playfully, as we sized each other up, just like 2 dogs in the park.

What did your last Hail Mary get you?

2011-05-11T10:46:00.000-07:00

“A girl’s gotta eat, you know.” was my mantra and check point for match guys.    Lunches and dinners with several men were interesting and tested my powers of observation, to say the least. There was Swimmer, who had shoulders like Arnold Schwarzenegger . His wife’s death was lengthy and very bad dinner conversation. He talked about redoing his house to keep busy. From the shirt he was wearing I can only imagine what his house looks like.

I called Talker.   He answered his phone while leaving the grocery store.   He ranted with political opinions about every local, state, and national politician. Attempts to change the subject were unsuccessful as I could barely get a word in edgewise. After 35 minutes, I was a wild woman, more than ready to get off the phone. His groceries were put away and he was now ready to walk his dog. Not wanting to be rude (it must’ve been the proper southern upbringing) I jumped in and said quickly “Thanks for taking my call. I won’t take more of your time.”   As I pressed the end button, I heard “Please call again.”

With 2 hours left in my match subscription it was time for my final play. Not much had changed except an adventure with my intuition and some dinner dates. With 30 minutes free to wrap up, I scanned the top 6 guys on the list of people who had viewed my profile.    Three met my top 6 checks. A hasty note to each with “Hi Handsome” in the subject said “You peeked at me.   It’s my last day on match. Check out my profile and if you like what you see, contact me. Here’s how. ” with email and phone added. As I hit the send button to each, I said “Wishing you a great life with the gal of your dreams.”

I had no expectation of results from this Hail Mary. Yet I had to take advantage of one last opportunity created months earlier when my subscription began. I had nothing to lose and everything to gain. And there was no Plan B.

Lessons Learned from the King's Speech

2011-04-25T06:30:00.000-07:00

Friends raved about The Kings Speech. Hollywood proclaimed it Best Picture and Colin Firth, who played King George VI, Best Actor. The story of the man who unwillingly became King of England and overcame stuttering and insecurity is filled with lessons of personal development. In honor of the Royal Wedding on April 29 here are a few lessons learned from the King’s Speech:

Things are not always as they appear or you perceive.

No one is exempt from trauma during childhood.

Every career has areas pushing you beyond your skills.

Good rapport and trust in the professionals that help you is key to success.

A cheering squad of one, whether a friend or loved one, is another big key to achievement.

A story, well written and presented, is inspiring, entertaining, and thought provoking. Bravo Hollywood for your choices!

And finally, everyone needs a best friend – a confidante and buddy who shares the valley of disappointment and the peak of success.

Who'd have thought?

2011-04-04T19:44:00.000-07:00

      A milestone birthday requires a party and month long celebration. This birthday was going to be marked appropriately.
      A burst of energy got home projects finished that had been put off too long.   Plans were made and invites issued to friends, including Farmer.
     When he rsvp’d, I asked about the date for a visit to his home going unanswered. He was busy getting crops up was the reply.   “Something’s not right here.” Intuition said.
     The party was a blast with best friends sharing cake and partaking in merriment. Farmer came late, was pleasant, and brought a bottle of champagne.   He left very early, saying he had a long drive home.
Recounting my birthday evening, I said to Kathleen, my mentor in all things single women need to know, “It’s not adding up. There’s an 8 year gap when I add up all the numbers.”
     “Have you googled him?” she asked.
     "Never occurred to me. Let’s do it now.” I said. “His name is ordinary. Hold on!   Last week we talked about his middle name and it’s really different. Let’s try that. His middle name is Westerly.”
     With no expectation of any result, we were floored to see what Mr. Google provided. Up popped a PDF of a Court of Appeals of Virginia document!   We were glued to the web as we read all 22 pages of the document. It read like a steamy novel ready to be a screen play and Oscar winning movie! He was contesting a divorce from his wife of 9 years (not 1 as he said) on numerous counts, including adultery. And he was contesting the courts finding that he committed marital waste and improper equitable distribution of his business.
     Naturally the link to that PDF went to friends. Farmer became The Rat, a lowlife hosebag as my guy friends said. When I mentioned it to another girlfriend, she said she made it a point to talk to him at my birthday. “He was rude and condescending to me.” she said.
No wonder my intuition was squawking.

Doing the Math

2011-03-21T18:57:00.000-07:00

       Mr. Took-the-Bait morphed into Farmer. Talk about farm life, cattle, his shooting prowess, trips, my book and assorted topics made phone conversations delightful. Emails flew with daily reports.   Weekly he was in town for engaging lunches at numerous new restaurants. My fave was Stronghill. One dinner invite I declined as I’m never available for a last minute engagement after Wednesday.   (A single woman rule learned from a single mentor.)
   Farmer accepted my invite in early August to go to a friend’s wedding in DC in late August.   Then I heard nothing for three weeks. “Should I email? Should I call?” I wondered. “What is this all about?”
The wedding date was getting closer and if he wasn’t going, I was taking a girlfriend. I had to know. Enough of this silence.
      “Would you come to my place for a visit? Come for the weekend and we’ll go on to the wedding on Saturday.” his email said, replying to my inquiry “Do you still want to go to the wedding at the end of the month?”
      “Something’s missing” was a hunch. No contact for three weeks and I wasn’t about to get myself in a bad situation. Carefully I crafted my reply “Let’s meet in Fredericksburg at 0 dark early and make it a day trip". He agreed.
      At the wedding, Farmer was charming. He declined my request for a dance to check out dancing skills he claimed to have.   Chats were on a variety of topics and engaging, especially over the omission of the word “obey” from the vows. Note to self – what’s the big deal?
      On the return drive to Fredericksburg he invited me to his home for the weekend. This time I accepted for mid September, three weeks later.    A wave to each other in our separate cars headed to our respective homes was “Goodbye. It was fun.”
      When in Fredericksburg, I always get a Carls treat.   Savoring Carl’s dessert, I relived the day. The wedding was beautiful, the most exquisite I’ve seen, no detail left out; being with Farmer; seeing old friends all in the lush setting of George Washington’s River Farm were as delicious as the frozen treat.
      “Something’s not right. Something's missing. ” my intuition strongly resounded.   I added up the numbers – years married to first wife, years married to second wife left an 8 year gap, no matter how I added.    “Something’s missing. ” was the echo.
      “No kidding” I replied. “But what is it? I'm no math whiz but 8 years is a life span. What in the world....”

What's missing?

2011-03-09T07:44:00.000-08:00

It’s another ‘wearing a wet, wooly dog’ day in RVA. The air conditioning at California Pizza will feel mighty good for lunch with Mr. Took-the-Bait, fresh from match.com. Resolve, commitment and action are a powerful combo to make things happen.

I’m hungry, sweaty and anxious about this ‘blind date’. How many years has it been since my last one? What are his social skills like? What will he be like? Will I like him? The questions go on and on.

California Pizza is packed. “Here I am” I hear after asking the hostess if a lone man has been seated. As I turn and see Mr. Took-the-Bait, I jump. He’s 8’ tall! Guess I missed that part of his profile.

Ever the gentleman he orders my lunch after taking my selections. He says nice things and asks about me. Points for him. Soon our conversation turns to him, naturally, revealing he has a child living in RVA, not far from my house. He lives on a several hundred acre farm near Charlottesville with Angus cattle, making him a ‘gentleman farmer.’ He has been successful in business and seems comfortable in his skin.

He tells me I can trust him and never have to be afraid when I’m with him. He’ll protect me. “What’s that about?” I wonder. The thought that I'd be afraid or need protecting never occured to me.

The waiter interrupts us to apologize for the nearby screaming kid that would send a terrorist running away. We sympathize with him, wish him well in dealing with that and question how the mother stands it.

When lunch is over, he walks me to my car. He guesses I drive a sporty little BMW or Mercedes. How wrong he was when he saw big ole Glory B sitting there, regally taking up her 4 parking places. After saying thanks for lunch and asking if he can take me out again, we say adieu. He climbs into a huge Albemarle County red mud covered SUV and drives away.

It was fun and got me looking forward to more dates. I certainly was excited about the success. And my intuition said “Something’s missing.”

What did your resolutions do for you?

2011-02-21T14:12:00.000-08:00

        Hugging change, my 2011 theme, comes from deliberate actions taken last year. Ever heard the saying, “Be careful what you ask for.”? When what you ask for comes in spades, be ready to shuck and jive and embrace change.   During the next few blogs you’ll be privy to what happened because I played big and bold in 2010.
       It was one of those days that felt like I was wearing a wet wooly dog…a typical June day in RVA. Dressed in summer finery, I was on the way to Mandy’s wedding.
       “I’m sick of this. I’m doing something about it.” I said. “This time next year my life will be different.” I muttered as I drove. “She’s divorced, dated, courted and getting married and I haven’t had a decent date in ages. Everybody’s getting married - even my daughter. This is changing.” I’d said that before. This time resolve and commitment came from my toes.
       Having a better social life wasn’t working with what I was doing.   Newly married neighbors met on match.com and my best friend met her husband on match. What could I lose? At least I’d have a few dinners, interesting conversations and stories to tell. With coaching from match-experienced friends, my profile was written and photos were selected for prime marketing.
       June 30 was launch date. I hemmed and hawed about sending emails. "Do I do this or not? This is work. What do I say to strangers?” I muttered, afraid I’d be successful and have too much fun with Mr. Right. “Hey, that’s fear of success. Isn’t that why you’re doing this? Pull up those big girl panties and get over yourself. This is sport so go for it big.” I told myself.
      With vigor I clicked on one profile after another of guys who were looking for I don’t know what.   Each had to pass my rule of 6 – clean shaven, non-smoker, physically active, widowed or divorced, have kids and kind eyes.   I wasn’t settling for less. And I had nothing to lose.
      Many hours late at night were spent looking, reading, clicking, deleting. Not much out there that passes my rule of 6. Should I abandon the rule?   Heck no. Abandoning my rule equals settling and I’m not settling.
      The few guys who did pass got this email: Subject: Hi Handsome. After that, words stopped. Match directions say “write cute clever notes to show what a prize you are.” At 10 pm at night and dog tired it’s hard to be cute, clever or feel like a prize. Again I pulled up my big girl panties and persevered. Some notes were clever – I wondered if they were too clever. Other notes I was surprised got replies.
      Several days after launch I got a strike. The bait worked. Hiker hit on me at Pinecone Hollow Café. It’s amazing this match stuff works in person, too.   My follow-up to Hiker produced no results.
      A few days later I cast my bait in quantity on match and got another strike! And this one wants to meet me for lunch!   Success!
      What success have you experienced from your resolutions?

When did you last get bit?

2011-01-27T09:24:00.000-08:00

“Take time now to reflect.” he said. “Find a comfortable place and spend time quietly reading the passage until a word or phrase resonates with you. Then stop. Reflect and pray on it.” he continued.

The day was colder than a witch in you-know-what. Being a quart low on spiritualism, this time-out was ideal. A beautiful, warm sanctuary was perfect for the retreat titled ‘Be Still and Know I Am God’. I found a pew with a comfy red pad where I could rest my back against the wall, stretch out my legs and cushion my bum. The leader, Brother Geoffrey, a monk and Superior of The Society of Saint John the Evangelist, said to get comfortable and I was following his directions. I‘m sure God wants us to be comfy. Why else are there chocolate, cashmere and warm places to go in the cold winter?

The passage was Psalm 139. I read it, wondering what words would grab me. My eyes fell upon “search” – that’s not it – “am acquainted with my ways” – nope, not it. “You hem me in.” It hit me between the eyes. “What’s this about?” I wondered.

I don’t like being hemmed in, in a box, conventional ways. Following rules feels constricting. Perhaps that’s why I never had a ‘real’ job working for someone else.

Rules are made for breaking – or pushing, at the least. I love making up my own rules - and following them. I even wrote a book titled Smart Women Make Their Own Rules: the Professional Woman’s Guide to Igniting your Power. Rules are important. Without them the world would be even more chaotic. Can you imagine traffic - during rush hour - at intersections without traffic lights?

Upon reflection I got that I have to be hemmed in by rules- by my own ‘rules’ – the principles my life is lived by. Then I have focus to do the work I’m called to do. To do each task the best I can. To serve where I can. To be served when needed.

“You hem me in.” I get it. Dang! Guess rules are more important that I realized. Ugh.

Brother Geoffrey helped us process the reflections as I said “Geez” over and over again. Finally it was lunchtime, to be done silently, continuing the mode of the Retreat.

The dining hall was large, the food delicious. Silently, politely (after all, we are southern) we nodded to each other, smiled and dined silently. The sounds were cutlery hitting dishes, chairs scraping the floor, footsteps walking across the room …and chatter.

“Who is that idiot talking? Can't she follow the rules? We’re eating in silence. What about silence doesn’t she understand? Is it so hard?” I thought. Then I realized I just bit myself!

Rats! I hate it when I bite myself in the you-know-where.

What happens when you don't have a plan?

2011-01-14T13:10:00.000-08:00

The plan for my 2011 goal setting Retreat was basic – a full day set aside to be alone, without distraction. Richmond Hill was the perfect place – secluded, noontime prayer, and silence. Paper, markers, pens, computer and other goodies were ready. When the day was over I would leave with goals set for each month of 2011 to get from here to year’s end with grace, charm, and ease. Well, you gotta have a dream, right?
I picked a large sunny room on the 2nd floor as my home for the day. It felt like the best place to be – surely it was closer to outdoors and God. Watching birds fly, traffic move and hearing trains whistle kept me company (maybe they would inspire me). The brilliant blue sky and bright sun cancelled the bitter outside cold.
In a panic because I was without a single idea of where to start, I took a deep breath and sat quietly.   I prayed, asking God to send something – anything.
Soon phrases came so I wrote them down – affirmations like “I can do this.   My attitude is positive. Embrace change. Embrace success.”   Um, interesting thoughts.   More came: “Look farther out and trust that God will get me there.   Give up blocks and barriers.”
I made two lists – titled Let Go and Begin.   That was truly divine inspiration since I’d never have thought of that one.    Phrases and words filled the columns.
Then ideas came. Starting with the end and backing slowly into each month, 2011 unfolded.    They were captured randomly on post- it notes, then stuck in place as the plan became clear. I was amazed.
Peace and quiet reigned. Ideas came fast.   A large red-tailed hawk flew by at eye level. When the noontime prayer bell rang, the plan was complete! And the theme Hug Change was evolving.
At days’ end, SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, Timely) goals had been established. Monthly goals and steps were clear and loose. I have to allow for windfalls and unexpected opportunities to expedite them.
What I had made so hard became easy by being quiet and patient.   Juggling book signings, speaking gigs, travel, clients, contracts and my wonderful life are the goal. Hugging Change Boldly is the theme.    How it really works may be the next reality show.

2010's A Wrap - Bring On 2011

2010-12-08T06:56:00.000-08:00

With a few days left in 2010, let’s call it a wrap. Here’re some questions to help you close out this year.

Wrap Up 2010

What were the breakdowns and disappoints of 2010?   Get them out of the way. Write them down and let them go.

List your Successes, Wins, and Accomplishments.    Your list should have at least 25 wins on it.   Need reminding? Check your calendar, Facebook, ask friends, etc. to review the year. Own that you really did these things.

How are you personally and professionally different since 2010 began?    What did you learn?
This is the stuff MBA school doesn’t teach. True insights have the transformational capability of shifting you into a new, more alive place!

What are you most grateful for?   You’re using the basic principle: whatever you appreciate and give thanks for will increase in your life.   This list could have at least 100 things on it. Go ahead, be audacious and write them down. Seeing is appreciating.

How will you celebrate your 2010 accomplishments?   This honors you, your tenacity and boldness.   It could be the beginning of an annual ritual.   What would be a fun, special thing to do for yourself? With whom do you want to share it?

Now it's time to take the best of 2010 into 2011.   Create your New Year!   Bring on 2011.

How will you create your new year 2011?    Each year I select a theme to remind me daily how to be to accomplish my goals.   My 2010 theme is Be Bold, Be Happy, Play Big since I was tired of missing some goals. I posted it in key places in my office, bathroom and frig so it's in my face. Each time I think about being small, sad or shy, it reminded me they weren't the plan. I love bright colors and art so I drew my theme big and bold. What’s your theme?   What would it look like? What is a metaphor you can use? Get creative, out of the box and have a good time with it.

What from 2010 do you not want to repeat?   Think about all events that happened within your company/department and the effect they had on you and your team. Ask your associates for their ideas, too, if you’re at a loss. These are hard, unforgettable lessons learned.

What do you want more of that happened last year?    Include everything no matter how big or small. Ask your associates for this, too.

Where can you be fearless in 2011 regarding your business?    Get out of your way and step up to your greatness.    What one habit do you need to trash?

What’s the biggest personal goal you have?   Look at your life and wake up that idea or dream. What is it? How can you breathe life into it, embrace it and make it happen?   Who can help you? How would your life be if this happened?
If you answer candidly half these questions, you’re on your way to a smart 2011. I’m rooting for you and your success.   Need some help? Let me know – I’d love to hear your goals and ideas. Make 2011 your smartest year yet.

Get Outta My Way: 8 Ways to Stop Self Sabotage

2010-12-07T07:09:00.000-08:00

“Oh, yes. I’m glad to help you. “ Leslie said. “What do you need and when?” Sally replied, “Tomorrow. I know your inbox is full and you’re under deadline. I do need your help. Thanks. That really helps me out.”

“A full inbox and under deadline is an understatement”, Leslie thinks. “Already I’m late with my own project and here I am saying yes. Why did I do that? Why didn’t I say NO? I want Sally to like me …”

How many times have you done this? You just sabotaged yourself - again. How can you change that? With the same clarity and cunning that your Inner Critic – aka the Bitch - uses, you can overcome your saboteurs. Here’re a few ways to begin.

· Know you have to change. Habits can get you ahead and habits will keep you stuck. You’re leaving your comfort zone behind. Make a decision to change and be willing to be uncomfortable until you assimilate new beneficial behaviors.

· Notice what you say and what you think when you say it. Are you saying yes when you want to say no? Are you letting people waste your time and make you late? Are you being polite so you won’t hurt their feelings? Pay attention to what you say and what you’re thinking as you say it.

· Ask what you’re getting out of sabotaging yourself. Do you get to stay in your comfort zone? Get to be liked? Look good? What’s in it for you to keep doing these things?

· Explore different options/ways of behaving. Rather than letting inane conversation eat up your time to be liked or polite, what would happen if you honored yourself and your time? Could you say “Let’s talk more about this later.” and claim your time? Remember the airlines have an agreement with you that the plane leaves with or without you.

· What’s the smart woman’s way? Look at mentors and leaders in Women in Insurance and Financial Services. What do they do that you’re not doing? What can you learn from them?

Busting your saboteurs is a process. As much as I want to give you a quick fix, I can’t. It’s a process and takes time. Following are more proven methods to use and begin building a solid foundation.

· Team up with a like-minded trusted friend who wants to shake her sabotaging ways. Set each other up for success by agreeing to check in daily at first to review your behaviors, support each other and hold each other accountable to change.

· Include fun rewards for successes and incremental changes, no matter how small. You are making progress and deserve rewards.

· Acknowledge yourself for your successes and failures. If you didn’t make a change, it’s ok today. Tomorrow will bring another chance to do it again.

In Smart Women Make Their Own Rules, I write “Blessed is the smart woman who changes what gets in her way. She shall have an easier life.”

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly at Pinecone Hollow

2010-11-23T19:36:00.000-08:00

From the opening game on April 15 to the last on Labor Day adventures in Pinecone Hollow Cafe I have blogged. It’s time to wrap up that adventure of research on leadership from the bottom up with this Good, Bad and Ugly critique from my cashier’s view.

The Bad

Tall Boss went off on me when I asked him if the soda machine, which was broken for 3 weeks, would be fixed.

With the exception of tools for the cooks there were no tools to make our job easier, like opening 12 cardboard boxes a night. A knife was no where to be found. I brought my own box cutter. No more manicures sacrificed.

Today’s way of doing things is the opposite of yesterdays.

The temps in the Café ranged from 95 degrees at the registers to 115 degrees at the grills. Why pay big bucks to go to a sweat lodge when you can work at the Café and get paid to sweat! It's a promise sweat will roll down your back.

The Ugly

Placido embarrassed all of us when he had a melt down and cursed where customers could hear him. At the same time he was slinging hot greasy squirrely fries into the trays so most fell on the floor where they were stepped on. Grease was tracked all over the floor so we had to walk very carefully during the busiest time of a sold-out night.

The Good

The big boys that cooked all the food were my angels. They reached boxes in high places, hefted heavy boxes I couldn’t and watched my back. And they made sure my food orders were filled in a timely fashion. Bless those guys.

Wonderful music played by great bands serenaded us as we prepped for the evening’s work. Usually it was beach music, my fave. How did they know?

Several customers tipped us.

There was usually a breeze on the ‘veranda’ on the second floor concourse, outside the Café door.

Many things happened to blog about from getting fired and rehired because the boss forgot he fired me, Hiker hit on me, and the antics of Pinces and Princesses.

And finally once on a sold out night all systems were on – everyone showed up 100%, even Princesses put their attitudes on hold for the jam. All jived perfectly – Dancing with the Stars couldn’t have done better. We created hundreds of happy fans. We proved we could work like a well-oiled machine.

And what did I get out of the whole experience? Compassion for the servers of the world who help me by doing their job, no matter what it is. I'm kinder and gentler for having been a Squirrelette for the summer of 2010.

What Would You Do?

2010-11-12T04:51:00.000-08:00

Friday morning was sunny and cool. After a client meeting I put some things in my car and noticed a woman leaning against a car two spaces away. She moved very little, looking relaxed as tho’ she was meditating. Who meditates in a parking lot? Especially this parking lot.

It’s a very trendy upscale shopping center where customers are highly controlled, uptight and buttoned up. Their classic stylish clothes help them blend in wherever they are.

Not wanting to scare her, carefully I approached the woman. A slurred reply to asking if she was alright told me she was not. She swayed, closed her eyes and leaned against the car again. I was afraid she’d fall over into the parking lot and hurt herself. Then she could get hit and cause someone else harm. What should I do?

From her answers to my short questions she mumbled “Get Tammy in Starbucks.”

Fortunately the car she leaned against was unlocked. I don’t know if it was her car and I didn't care. I opened the back door. With my guidance she sat down on the seat. At least if she passed out, she wouldn’t get hit by a car, I thought.

Into Starbucks I went. No one was Tammy. A young mother and the barista remembered the woman, saying she was acting odd. Together the young mother and I said we didn’t know what to do. My first thought was for the woman to be out of harm’s way, then to not cause harm for someone else. And what would be any backlash on me for actions I might take. What do you do?

The young mother, unable to find her sunglasses, went to ask the woman if she had them. A few minutes later the young mother returned, saying she found the woman passed out. The young mother went to the closest store where someone called 911 and rescue was on the way.

If you were in my shoes, what would you do?

Stupid or Smart?

2010-10-08T14:13:00.000-07:00

Labor Day 2010 was a special day. Not only was it a holiday marking unofficially the end of summer. It was Emancipation Day - my last day as an employee of the Richmond Flying Squirrels. Placido, Pipper, Princess and I started at the first game April 15 and were amazed that we made it to the end. Abe, Tall Boss, Princesses and Princes couldn’t take me out, even with firing!

The last blog about Hiker and getting hit on brought many comments. “he may call....I am betting yes. fun to think about for sure-good for you!!” “What a great story! Let me know if he gets in touch...if not it is his loss for sure!” were a few. I so appreciate you reading the blog and taking time to send your cheers.

And this note came. “How many other 'smart' women set themselves up like this? You can get hurt or worse. What kind of example are you setting?” she wrote. I was expecting more of these. How many of you thought it?

Here’s the rest of the story of why I gave so easily my contact information. There was a huge high counter between Hiker and me with many people passing by. It couldn’t have been more public. The whole time Hiker was talking I was checking my intuition. Was he slimy? Did I feel safe? What was my gut saying?

Hiker said his wife died in the previous fall and his 3 children were taking him under their wing. Hence his visit to the Squirrels with his daughter who lived here. His expertise in the financial end of healthcare takes him on consulting gigs around the world. We’d been to the same places in Asia and Africa, struggled with jet lag and had much more in common with international travel. That created a unique connection.

He considerately stepped aside when I had to wait on customers and introduced himself properly to Abe. Conversation was easy and natural, never contrived. My gut said this guy is OK. My bigger question was “Where were those kids and why was I the only person here to wait on customers? “

When he asked for my contact info, it was clear he’d thought about it and had a plan. He made it easy as he handed his biz card to me with all his contact info while he asked for mine. That was impressive - you gotta love a salesman. With mission accomplished he turned and disappeared into the stands.

And I felt great. Face it, gals, it does wonders for your ego when one finds you attractive and lets you know it.

When Hiker left, the Princesses and Princes bounded out of the side room. Little did I know they were eavesdropping on every word. They got in my face, hugged me and congratulated me with high 5s, complements and big grins. Princesses and I giggled with delight.

They saw me differently. I was one of them now because they got hit on, too. Thanks to Hiker my struggle of connecting with them was over.

About Hiker – still no contact.

That's Why I'm Here.

2010-09-01T09:16:00.000-07:00

It was a sold out night for the Flying Squirrels. We were slammed busy selling hot dogs and squirrely fries at Pine Hollow Cafe. With an endless line of customers, they begin to look the same as they stand in front of me. I chat with the ladies and banter with gents to pass time when they wait for their food. We laugh, they get their food and disappear into the crowd. Their face is replaced by the next one. "What can I get for you?" begins the next round.

No people in line means a break to the side room to sip the allowed water and woof down my nutrition bar. With hunger pangs satiated, it's back to the register to serve more fans.

"What can I get for you?' I asked the man deliberately headed toward me. "That's why I'm here" he said The last time I heard that burgers weren't on his mind.

He went on to say he was enjoying the game with his daughter and her family. It was a special July 4th visit with them. Then I remembered earlier he'd been with a younger guy. They got "Hello Handsome. I love it when the best looking guys get in my line." my usual greeting to all guys. We chatted about things that escape me and soon I heard myself say in response to his comment " I'm single. If you're single, we can chat about that. Do you have a girlfriend?" to which he quickly added "I'm shopping but I haven't bought yet." And so our conversation went for a few light moments. "After you finish all that, come on back for more." I said as they headed into the crowd, arms loaded with food.

Now he really was back. He mentioned he'd gone hiking with his son in Peru and works around the world - now that's my kind of guy. No customers were in line so we talked for a few minutes. Every so often a customer would appear.

"What can I get for you?" I asked. "I'll have a jumbo Diet coke and Jumbo Fries." "Coming right up", I say as I look around to see that I am alone.

The Princesses and Princes have disappeared. With that order filled, Hiker comes back and we resume our chat. "Dang, here's another customer." I think. To Hiker I say "Would you mind stepping over there while I wait on these folks? I don't know where the other cahiers are." He politely accommodated me.

On we chat and here comes Abe, Tall Boss's boss, to clear my register as usual. Here I am being hit on and the big boss shows up. "I hope he understands." I think. This time Hiker isn't moving. What am I going to do? I introduce Abe to him and bingo, I found out his name as they shake hands. Am I embarrassed or what? This is bizarre. This is like being in a sitcom.

With Abe gone Hiker pulls out of his shirt pocket 2 blank cards, handing them to me with a request that I put my name and number on one and give it back. Is this guy smooth or what? One thing I've learned about successful salespeople is they know how to ask for the order. In my best print I honored his request. He put the card carefully in his pocket, said so long and away he went into the crowd.

Suddenly in my face were the Princesses and Princes, "You've got it going on. I can't believe you got hit on. Who knew! What'd he say? Are you going out with him?" they wanted to know. High fives filled the air with shouts of "Way to go!"

"Where were you? I asked. "Several customers got in line and I had to wait on them."

"We were in the side room listening." they beamed.

When I took this gig working for the Flying Squirrels, I never thought I'd be writing about this. And what began as an adventure has turned into research on leadership from the bottom up. I'll blog more about that later.

For this Labor Day I'm sharing a humorous experience and a gift I've received - compassion for the people who wait on and help me.

As you celebrate your Labor Day holiday with family and friends, think about the people at your office that help you. As you go about this holiday weekend dedicated to working folks, in the moment share your smile with the strangers in front of you wearing those uniforms and laboring to help you have a good time.

Happy Labor Day to you and yours.

PS - As for Hiker, he sure had all of us feeling good and having fun for an evening. I still haven't heard from him.

Ketchup slides off the fan

2010-08-25T05:48:00.000-07:00

“Welcome back. I’m so glad to see you.” Placido greeted me as I showed up for the game on Wednesday, the day after I would be ‘no-show’. Princess said “A friend of yours came by last night and I told them you didn’t work here any more.”

How did that happen? Here’s the rest of the story.

“This is bologna. I’m not standing for this.” I heard myself say. “They’re looking for more help and I was just fired. This is nutz and I’m not taking it.” But what to do was the question.

What began last spring as an adventure has turned into research about leadership from the bottom up. There is so much more to learn.

Placido didn’t stand up for me as a good employee, well trained, and training Princesses as they come on board. Tall Boss didn’t fire me to my face. Tall Boss knew from my requests to be off that my company was having an event on the 27th and scheduled me anyway.

Several days after the ketchup hit the fan, I called Tall Boss and told him my scheduling dilemma. “I was scheduled to work on the 27th. My company is having an event where my attendance is mandatory. Just like you have to be at each game. How can we work this out?” I asked.

His voice indicated he was unusually calm. He replied “That’s a Tuesday. It’s usually not a busy night. Don’t worry. I can cover for you.” Being one to jump on desired outcomes I said “So you want me to come in on Wednesday the 28th? To work as scheduled?”

“Yea. Come in. You’re covered for Tuesday.” Tall Boss verified.

Mission accomplished. And that’s the whole story.

Ketchup Hits the Fan

2010-08-09T06:58:00.000-07:00

“Where were you Sunday?” Placido said. “I was at the John Mayer concert. I asked off that night.” I replied. “Well, you weren’t here and you’re a no show.” he continued.

“Okay, Placido, I don’t know what’s going on. I asked off. Everyone knew I was going to hear John Mayer. I’m here tonight. What job do you want me to do?” “Oh, your usual cashier. Glad you’re here.” he said.

Tall Boss appeared with the register money prior to opening. “Smokie, you were a no-show last night. Where were you?"

This refrain is getting too familiar. If I’m one thing, it is reliable and on time. For heavens sake, that’s one thing I'm known for. On four or five occasions I’ve heard “Where were you last night?” Monday night is class. I made a commitment for this class every Monday night through mid Sept.

"What’s going on with the no-show?" I wonder. "I request time off as told. Placido, Tall Boss and fellow Handsomes and Squirrelettes know I won’t be there. They know it’s either class or my ‘real’ job. What’s the deal? Am I getting scheduled when he knows I won’t be there? Is this a set up? I’m a bottom-level-making-$7.50-per-hour-employee. What’s the problem?" I ask myself. One thing I’ve learned is that game night is not the time to discuss anything with Tall Boss. Note to self – this research on Leadership from the Bottom Up is interesting.

That evening the pace was leisurely with a steady line that moved quickly. Patrons were awake and remembered what they wanted when they got to me - a treat in itself. It was Scout night. Fry Guy was on top of Squirrely fries as that’s food of choice for Scouts of all genders and ages. Yes, there are food trends and patterns for various fan groups.

About 8:30 pm Placido said “It’s time to cut back. Smokie, you can go now. And Tall Boss said if you can’t be here next Tuesday, don’t come back.” “My company is having an event next Tuesday and I have to be there. I told Tall Boss that when I requested that night off and he understood. I think he heard me.” I recounted. “He said if you can’t be here next Tuesday, don’t come back.” Placido repeated. “So I’m fired?” I asked. “Guess that’s right.” Placido said quietly. I was fired. Where is Donald Trump's flair and showmanship?

Wanting to leave on good terms and take the high road, in a state of shock, I went to each Handsome and Squirrelette, told them how much I enjoyed knowing them and wished them the best of everything. Princess gave me a big hug. To my surprise Placido asked for a hug and said “I’m going to miss you.”

Lessons Learned on the Job

2010-07-07T13:44:00.000-07:00

Adventure with the Flying Squirrels is multifaceted. Lest you think it’s all about baseball, after 27 games at Pinecone Hollow Café, much has been learned. Here’re a few lessons from a bottom-level, don’t think about work after you clock out, employee.
1. A diverse team of 4 generations has rhythm to do the job with finesse and minimum spills.
2. One can drink a fountain soda without lids or straws. If you must have lids and straws with your sodas at the Diamond, you’d better bring your own.
3. Like Microsoft Vista, cashiers’ brains and touch screen registers shut down at peak times.
4. In the queue, there is a zone where customers mentally go away, forget where they are and why they’re there.
5. Customers can’t talk on the phone and order food at the same time. So much for multitasking.
6. Opening cardboard boxes with my bare hands builds muscle and ruins manicures. At the risk of sounding like a feminist, isn’t that why there are strapping young men working there?
7. When a guy says “That’s why I’m here.” in reply to “What can I get for you?,” he’s not looking for burgers or fries. More on that later.

The Star Sprinkled Banner

2010-07-01T09:26:00.000-07:00

“National Anthem. Stop what you’re doing. Take your hat off.” yells Pipper. A FUNN Staff rule is to stand still, hats off, during the playing and singing of the National Anthem. I’m loving showing respect for our country. The crew know I’m the anthem nazi (is that an oxymoron?) about it and get choked up and teary when I hear it.

“Princessaaaahhhhhh Princess, put your phone down and stop. It’s the National Anthem.” I say under my breath. If looks could kill, I’d be waving my banner in the sky.

Customers are surprised. At first, they kept talking and ordering. I did the Post Office routine (I’m not seeing you) and ignored them. With a look of total surprise I saw the light bulb come on their faces and they got that it’s the National Anthem and everything stops for it, including them.

All kinds of singers have their time with opening the game by song. It’s American Idol tryouts baseball style. The Anthem is very difficult to sing, according to Placido. It’s also long. At the quickest it takes about 3 minutes. That doesn’t sound long but when burgers are ready to come off the grill, that’s a problem.

One night a young woman was giving it her best, most reverent, deliberate shot. And the burgers burned. Another night the singers were children, their tiny sweet voices not audible at Pinecone Hollow Café. Customers were standing still, a few were enjoying their beers, others were shushing their family. No one was hearing it. There everyone stood, facing the flag.

I love to sing so I started singing in the second line…”what so proudly we hailed”. Princess took over the musical presentation, thankfully. She belted it out like nobody’s business. We were glad, excited and surprised! Turns out she’s a trained singer and sings professionally! Who knew!

Between Placido and Princess I’ve learned more about pitch and singing than imagined. We want to hear them sing a duet. Perhaps they will when we can’t hear the singer on the field.

Another time the young woman struggled with the pitch, notes and words. I’ll give her credit for standing before the large crowd as she deliberately gave it her karaoke best. The pitch and tempo she slaughtered. Then she sang “oh, say does that star sprinkled banner yet wave…”

That star sprinkled banner is still waving over the land of the free and the home of the brave. Happy Birthday USA!

Learning to Jive

2010-06-21T08:35:00.000-07:00

Pinecone Hollow Café is a long slot of space painted Flying Squirrel gray. It’s about 40 feet long and 11 feet wide. One third of it is the storage room, the rest is cooking and serving space. The back is lined with deep fryers, grills and refrigerators, all the things that get hot. The front is the customer service area lined with registers and soda machines. In between is space for 14 of us to walk, zig and zag without hitting each other. After 60 minutes we finally get a rhythm, dancing with fervor and finesse with hands loaded with sodas, burgers, tenders and fries.

Princess yells “The soda machine isn’t working.“ “Oh great. I’ll call the Coke man.” says Placido, taking a break from wrapping burgers to radio for help. In short order Coke Man arrives and with skill you’d expect, sodas are flowing again. If only Skywire would show up and get the register going. It’s hot over here at the grill. How many hot dogs and buns have I wrapped?" I'm thinking. (Would you believe 800?)

The game is SOLD OUT! That’s good news. Being a part of the excitement, providing fun for the customer and doing the café jive with new friends really is exciting and stretching me big time. That is why I’m doing this, right?

“Big, tuck in your shirt tail. It’s the dress code. Tall Boss is on the way.” Placido says. Thank heavens for shirt tails. It covers up those drawers hanging out. I am so glad they’re wearing drawers – otherwise I'd surely be mooned.

“Blackberry, you keep checking that thing. Are you waiting for a note from Nutzy? All the Princessahs must be expecting to hear from him too. Are you having a contest to see who gets the note first?” I ask. We’re in the storage room taking a break and drinking water to replenish ourselves. My ears are ringing from all the conversations. It’s a baseball Tower of Babel.

Break is the 2 minutes when we’re drinking water, sweeping, straightening up, getting some food under the heat lamp and drinking more water.

It’s back to wrapping dogs for Doggie Dude and burgers for Burger Guy. We’re grooving with the Pinecone Hollow jive, zigging and zagging in the aisle.

As happens to all good things it’s time to close the Café which takes 45 minutes. The point is to clean up and be ready for tomorrow’s business. 14 of us work there and there are 14 ideas of clean. My area is where I began – the lifeless cash register. While fans animatedly leave the Diamond, the Funn Crew is having a different experience.

My legs are throbbing, feet are stinging. I am worn out. With all tools in everyone’s hands, Pinecone Hollow Café is clean and ready to jive in tomorrow.

The Funn Squad is dirty and droopy. I wonder if those spongy insoles would make a difference. The parking lot is two blocks away - much too far away. Wish there was a trolley to take me there. "Feet, don't give out yet," I pray. Slowly I crawl to my car dragging my lifeless tail behind me. Prayer's answered again.

Living a Chinese Fire Drill - Part 2

2010-06-04T06:18:00.000-07:00

Hot dog orders were piling up. Doggie Dude was sinking fast. All the food in the Café is frozen and those hot dogs were double frozen. Doggie Dude was rolling them on the grill just to speed up thawing. Once nicely cooked and brown he stuck them in the bun and it was taking too long to nicely cook and wrap.

I have wrapped presents and sandwiches and I’ve unwrapped plenty of hot dogs to dress them. It couldn’t be hard. Doggie Dude needed to concentrate on cooking them. I watched him wrap one and I was trained. Like Skywire said “It’s easy.”

I had a job! Anxiety was gone. My job was secure because those suckers disappeared every time we’d get one in the hot box. Princess had a hungry customer wanting 12 of them.

Princess and Princessahs were shouting their orders for us: 10 hotdogs, 5 chicken tender meals, 6 squirrely fries, 3 ¼ large cheeseburger meals. Doggie Dude and I are wondering what these people look like that are getting all this food. Hadn’t anyone eaten before they came? Blackberry was checking his blackberry for Lord knows what between every customer. “One more plain burger meal. 12 squirrely fries. Eight hotdogs.” all the Princessahs yell.

Tender Chic was working the deep fry baskets of fries and tenders with both hands, fries flying everywhere as she filled meal and jumbo orders. “This is really hot. Watch. I’m coming through.” “How many orders do you want?”

On a scale of 1 to 10 this Chinese fire drill was a 12 and rising! No one had worked together or done the job before and we were drinking from the fire hose.

“They just radioed me The National Anthem’s started. Stop.” yelled Pipper. Yea! Finally I can stop and turn around and see who’s ordering all this food. A Flying Squirrel rule is to stop what you’re doing, remove your hat, and stand stone still while the national anthem is played. We’re told “Don’t worry about the customers. They’ll catch on.”
I’m loving this. I can be an anthem nazi when it comes to respect and exhibiting proper behavior when it’s played. My world travels have given me much pride and high regard for our symbols of freedom and all that America stands for. That’s enough about my soap box now. Back to the fire drill.

Customers waited in line patiently. Nothing better than starving customers to serve. They kept us informed of game status when they left the stands about 60 minutes earlier. No kidding – that’s what they said and they were pleasant. They knew we were doing the best we could. Princess did have fries thrown at her by one woman. I wish she hadn’t done that. Someone was waiting for that order.

My legs are beginning to ache and my feet are throbbing. I wrap another hot dog. Does anyone have some aspirin? Where is the rubber mat to stand on? Oh, there isn’t one. Tennis shoes are little cushion on this concrete floor. I forgot my spongy insoles and my binoculars. How unprepared can one be?

Life with the Flying Squirrels at Pinecone Hollow Cafe - Part 1

2010-05-24T12:05:00.000-07:00

It was April 15. With my tax extension safely filed and out of mind off I went to work at Pinecone Hollow Café. It’s the third-base third-floor concession stand at the Diamond, home of Richmond's Flying Squirrels. My official uniform is standard issue: ball cap and red t-shirt proclaiming FUNN STAFF. Decked out with khaki pants and tennis shoes, I met my co-workers for this exciting sold-out opening night. And the fun began.

Actually it was a Chinese fire drill – squirrel style. This blog is about life at Pinecone Hollow Cafe. Names have been changed to protect the obvious.

Placido quickly told us some rules – shirt tails tucked in, no eating on the job, etc. Skywire cruised in to show us how to work the newly-installed, never-used cash registers. “It’s easy. It only takes 2 minutes to learn. I’ll be around to help.” He said as he reeled off instructions. It’s a touch screen with the menu in print so small binoculars are needed to see it. And I didn’t have them with me. What was I thinkin’ leaving home without them!

What a team we are. Placido is the manager and boss of Pinecone Hollow. Tender Chic whips out yummy squirrelly fries and chicken tenders, Burger Boy flips the burgers and Doggie Dude grills hot dogs on the 'back line'. I’m part of the ‘front line’ with Big, Blackberry, Princess and assorted Prettys. (I’ve been on front lines before because I’m short and this is a whole different front line.)

My teammates are in their late teens, early twenties, one 40-something and I. For most it’s their only job, for others it’s a second job. Honestly I wouldn’t know any of them if I weren’t here. And that’s why I’m here – to stretch and grow personally.

The view from our nest is a beer stand against earth-toned gray concrete interrupted by people cruising by - unless they're standing in line waiting for food. There is always a breeze coming down the concourse. A sliver of grandstand seats and sky is visible through an arch.

It’s Opening night – sold out at 9,000+ tickets. And 5,000 of them are standing in front of our cafe to get their food and beverage!

We'll learn how it all works in a jiffy. We're ready.

The concern I had about reading the screen was for naught as the register shut itself down in the middle of my second sale. Mr. Skywire "I'll be around" was nowhere to be found. And no one knew how to fix it. Such relief I felt.

And anxiety. Instantly I was jobless and scads of people were lined up for food. Oh no! PLAY BALL!

Every Woman's Edge

2010-04-22T05:57:00.000-07:00

In a recent radio interview for www.radiogogirl.com hostess Jen Towner asked the age-old question. “How do we get our sexy back?” That implies sexy got lost. Just look at today’s women and you’ll see that indeed their sexy has gotten lost. Glimmers of it are few and far between.

I’m not talking cleavage and too tight clothes and skirts up to your bum.

I’m talking about every woman's essence. It’s nothing you can hold in your hand like chocolate. It is a feeling, an attitude, a confidence, an edge that every woman has.

Sexy got laid aside to work careers for pay and to work your other non-paying job for family. Nothing is left for the woman part of you. Tired you fall into bed, too tired for more than sleep. The next day you get up and do it all over again.

No wonder sexy got left out or tossed out with dirty diapers. Now back to Jen’s question "how do we get sexy back?"

There’re several tips for busy gals on the go with fast careers. Here’re two to start with.

First fall in love with your best feature. Cherish it like your best piece of jewelry or favorite person. Whether it’s your eyes, shoulders, legs, bum, chin or whatever, own it and adore it.

Tip # 2 is Smile. Yes, smile. You can do that on the run. Smiles light up you and everyone around you. People hear them over the phone and respond positively. And it takes only 14 facial muscles. Wouldn’t you rather have smile than frown lines?

The professional woman’s authenticity shines when she’s sexy and owns that part of herself. Sexy is the edge every woman has.

More Lessons from The Celebrity Apprentice

2010-03-29T14:22:00.000-07:00

Round three continues gals (Tenacity) against guys (Solidrock). They were to produce an advertorial (whatever that is) for Norton 360 and Life Lock. As usual group meetings decide the project manager and tasks are handed out to make the winning project. Winning is the goal.

Here’re some lessons learned from celebrities in this show to raise money for their fave charity.

1. Be clear about every area of the project, especially the outcome you want. Summer couldn’t explain clearly to their photographer what they were doing so he knew how to capture what she wanted.

2. Know how to use a computer. Rod Blagojevich couldn’t turn the computer on to do research he was asked to do. I don’t care if he did run a state with 60,000 employees, as he says. This is 2010 and he needs to know computer basics, like how to turn it on and type more than hunt and peck.

3. PowerPoint can have too much copy on it. The guys presentation had so many words explaining what the product did that it couldn’t be read. The type looked like scribble because it was too small. Don’t they know pictures speak a thousand words?

4. It’s OK to quit. Darryl Strawberry volunteered to be fired because he 'sorta' wanted to go home. His body language and degree or lack of participation from the beginning showed he was so over The Celebrity Apprentice.

If you want to learn business, how the dice rolls, and how to deal with egos, tune in. The lessons are too many to count. And talking straight, like Donald Trump does, is the best practice of all. You may not like it and he doesn’t care. It works.

The Coaches Voice

2010-03-08T18:33:00.000-08:00

“I could hear my coach clearly. His voice was loud telling me what to do.” Speedy Peterson said. While he was almost suspended 50’ in the air twisting and turning his body with skis attached, he could hear clearly every word his coach was saying.

“I was really calm for some reason,” Peterson said of the moments before the jump that moved him from fifth to second place in the final round of the night of the 2010 Winter Olympics. “I was just out there for myself having fun. It was everything that I could have imagined.”
You can see his jump at http://tinyurl.com/y9pbbtn.

Isn’t that how the best times happen? You’ve practiced til you could scream and you know you’re ready. You take the chance and go for it. When you show up fully being 100% you, knowing your support team is there for you completely and having fun like you’re ‘in the zone’, you are a winner.

Many times clients tell me that when they do something they've been coached on in our sessions, they hear my voice saying, “Why are you doing that? How does get you to your goal?” Having your coach in your corner, showing up and doing your best can be the road to a gold medal in business and life.

February Resolution Done!

2010-03-01T06:37:00.000-08:00

I’d heard about the Sunday afternoon jam @ Cary St. Café. Off I went on 2010 Resolution to do something new for February.

As many as 15 musicians of all ages and sizes gathered with fiddle, guitar, mandolin, banjo and bass to jam Sunday afternoon. They filled the tiny stage. Colorful instrument cases spilled onto the floor.
They played lively tunes easily with finesse. The rhythm set even a person without rhythm tapping feet and moving to the beat.

Friends played cards at the bar after solving the crossword puzzle of the day. A student played on his Mac. Groups of 2 and 3 drank their adult beverages and gabbed – each talking louder than the other to be heard. Universal cheers went up from hockey fans watching the Canadians vs. USA in Olympic ice hockey.

Jessica kept me supplied with favorite snacks - chips with their signature homemade salsa and diet coke.

Like Cheers where everyone knows your name, there was camaraderie for everyone on a chilly Sunday afternoon in February at the Cary St. Café.

To Make or Not To Make Resolutions

2010-02-09T13:59:00.000-08:00

Who hasn’t made a resolution to ditch it a few weeks later. Resolutions don’t work, I think, because they’re declared in a moment of irritation, they’re not fun and they are not connected with values. 2010 is the year I resolved , that’s right resolved, to do something I’ve never done before every month. They are the only criteria: haven’t done it before and do it monthly. My January resolution came early.
The thermometer said 22 degrees. (That's enough to turn me back. I don't like cold.) The sky was clear, the sun shining brightly. It was my first resolution day - the day I was going to laughter yoga at Yogaville. I’d read about it and decided that would be fun since laughing is a favorite activity. I signed up for the full day package, including lunch and dinner. This first time I’m jumping in completely.
I’d heard about Yogaville for years. The two hour drive went quickly as I wondered what the day would be like, who’d be there, what the food was like. The temperature was 18 degrees as I pulled into the parking lot.
The friendly host in the Visitor Center greeted me with “Welcome. You’ve come a long way. You need a cup of tea.” “First I need the restroom.” I said hurriedly. “It’s down the hall there.” said a sock footed woman. Information had said to wear warm socks as shoes weren’t worn in the buildings. Note to self: wear slip on shoes next time.
Registration was in the building across the grass (make that snow) square. I took off my shoes the second of eight times, to be told the proper building was behind me. Finally I got to the right building. The sock footed woman was Renee, who told me what to expect.
Laughter is very therapeutic. It produces endorphins, T cells to fight infections, reduces stress and exercises muscles. It’s contagious. And it feels good. Just try to be with someone laughing and not giggle at the least.
Laughing makes you hungry, too. After a round of Yoga Laughter, excitedly I went to lunch, curious to experience it. And tt was an experience. The salad bar had the usual fare. The hot lunch was various veggies. Nowhere was there meat or white bread, my usual lunch sandwich. I ate at the table designated the silent table to see if I could eat in silence. That was easier than drinking hot tea without my customary spoonful of sugar. Lunch affirmed I am a carnivore.
After lunch I toured Yogaville, 800 plus acres bounded by the James River in Buckingham County, Va. It is mountainous, beautiful and well kept. Buildings are scattered around the property. Lotus is the focal point, a picturesque place of meditation, and geese feeding in surrounding ponds.
After I raided my car to find a sweet peppermint treat, another laughter yoga class rounded out the day. This time my voice was hoarse and my face hurt from laughing. A nap and diet coke would’ve been perfect.
Dinner was served at dusk. Again the salad bar was the usual fare. Very tired broccoli and shriveling baked potatoes rounded out the veggies. Both screamed out for butter, sour cream, cheese. None to be found. Don’t even think about sugar. And so went dinner. Note to self: bring candy.
After dinner for the last time I put on my shoes, laced them up and walked to my car. A resolution was complete as I left Yogaville. The temperature was 34 degrees.
Still yearning for meat and sugar, eight miles from Yogaville I stopped at the first convenience store and bought a Milky Way. It tasted soo good as I drove down the highway headed home. And the next day the lunchtime juicy hamburger on squishy white bread was the best food I’ve eaten in ages.
Who says resolutions are hard to keep?

Snow Hysteria Richmond Style

2010-01-29T13:04:00.000-08:00

For days weather forecasters are predicting the unappreciated – snow. In sunny VA sun is our major snow remover along with any vehicle that holds a blade large enough to push snow and person with a shovel attached to their arms. Activities are cancelled. Driving is dangerous because we don’t know how to drive in snow. Hysteria takes over.

The sun is shining through thin clouds this morning. Grocery store parking lots are full. Shelves inside the stores are emptying. (Could this be a stimulus plan?) Stores do a landslide business as shoppers buy three weeks of supplies to ride out the approaching storm.

Neighbor Patsy called after I finished putting my newly purchased provisions away.

“It’s going to snow. Do you have a snow shovel?” she asked.

“Absolutely not. I live here so I don’t need one.” I replied. Curious I asked “Why do you need one?”

“In case I can’t get out my door. “ she said.

When I asked where she was going, she said, “No where. It was 24 hours before my walk was shoveled after the last storm. And I wondered if we had to shovel our own walk.”

“Only if you like to shovel snow and can't wait.” I quipped.

Patsy and I laughed with each other because we had drunk the kool-aid and were infected with hysteria.

Unappreciated snow I really appreciate. I’m looking forward to tapping my fresh supply of hot chocolate, watching snow fall and reading while wrapped up in my zebra-stripped snuggie.

Create your 2010 smartly

2010-01-12T10:55:00.000-08:00

January is the time for new beginnings. The cool short days now are perfect for thinking about what’s really important to you. You may not be able to do much about the recession. You can do a lot to have a great year. Here are some different ways to plan your year.
What are three main goals to accomplish this year? What’s important about them? How will your life change because you met them?
What one thing can you do that brings out the best you? Is it to join the gym and actually use it to firm up flabby arms and jelly belly?
What change can you make that will improve your life right now? Is it to clean out your closet, fix the broken drawer, clean the winter debris off the garden?
What change do you have to make? When does it need to be done? Probably the sooner the better.
Where can you lighten up?
What skill do you need to improve or develop?
What habit do you want to develop?
How can you put more fun in 2010? Perhaps a regular date night, a monthly night out with the girls, going to a new place for dinner, wear a pin upside down and see who notices, wade in a fountain, join a book club.
How can you do more of what you love to do? My favorite is laughing. Try it: laugh a good ole hard belly laugh ‘til your jaws and sides hurt because you laughed so hard.
What are you excited about?
What wacky, crazy thing do you want to do? This is the year to do it so get going.
Who can help you? While this life is do-it-yourself, it isn’t a do-it-alone job.
What do you want to be able to say on Dec. 31 about your life this year? And finally, if you had a theme for 2010, besides tie a knot on your rope and hold on, what would it be? Ask your teammates at work to pick one for the department and listen to an energizing conversation.
It’s a new year, new you and new times never experienced before. Go for it. Create your 2010 smartly.

Sometimes Good Enough is Good Enough

2010-01-05T00:45:00.000-08:00

This holiday began with vacation with Don and friends. In great excitement I packed carefully for one full week at the beach. Extra winter gear for walks on the beach, batteries for the camera, food, presents to exchange and a 4’ tree filled the car. The tree was naked - to be dressed and lighted beach-side.

Since it was my first Christmas at the beach I decided ornaments would be whatever I found on and near the beach. Being a recovering complusive shell-picker-uper it was easy to find “ornaments” to dress the lighted bare tree. Shells strung with colorful ribbons did the trick. Feathers, pinecones, and lichen covered sticks added finishing touches.
The Christmas tree passed all expectations. To complete the image I took the tree to the edge of the water and took its picture. Geese and swans were feeding in the water nearby. Desiring a more authentic scene I placed the tree on the dock railing where birds and water made the perfect background.

I stepped back, centered the tree in the camera lens and felt a gust of wind. Crash went the tree to the dock floor as Don yelled “Oh no!” Branches fell out. Shells scattered and broke. Feathers laid in goose poop.

With his help the fallen tree and its dressings, minus feathers, were picked up and carried back to the cottage for a make-over.
Many minutes of fussing and re-doing produced a different look for the tree. It had a slight list to the right, lights were reworked and it was adorned once more with nature’s ornaments. Proudly it stood as if it had never wrecked, doing its job towering over presents and shells too big and heavy to wear.

“What does a Christmas tree have to do with 2010?” you’re asking.

The plan for the tree was carried out just right. I messed with it, unknowingly putting it jeopardy. The wind blew it over, changing everything around.

You have your 2010 plan. A force unseen and unexpected change can come along and change everything. 2009 is a testimony to that. Help from unexpected partners is available. The repair job gets you on track again.

Someitmes good enough is good enough.

Happy 2010 to you and yours. I hope all winds blow in the favored direction.

Santa Dances

2009-12-21T09:13:00.000-08:00

“Santa here 11 to 1” stated the sign on the door to the neighborhood hardware store. After finding what I needed, I cruised the aisles to see what merchandise was there - and to find Santa.

Methodically I went up and down each aisle. There Santa was, snuggled among the festive Christmas gardenware like the Travelocity gnome. He was the usual Santa complete with the ill-fitting beard, red suit and twinkle in his eye.

“Santa, can you help me? If you’re taking orders for Christmas, will you bring me a boyfriend?" I asked. "And can you bring one that dances, please?”

Always politically correct “I’ll see what I can do.” was his reply. He continued, “Do you know where Farifax Station is?”

“Santa, I can find it, I’m sure. Why do you ask?” I said.

“Because I’m there on Wednesday nights with my dancing club.”

Call 2009 a Wrap

2009-12-08T14:03:00.000-08:00

2009 was filled with activity, success, failure, surprises, change and bold moves. Many lessons were learned and ideas became new models and tools. Take time to review 2009, glean the priceless value it brought you and celebrate your successes.

1. What are your disappointments, failures, and breakdowns?
Let’s acknowledge what these are. This is an opportunity to let them go, carry them forward, or make a new promise. Make a list titled Disappointments, Failures, and Breakdowns and record them.

2. Make a second list titled Successes, Wins, and Accomplishments.
This is a chance to celebrate and own who you’ve become this year. Where did you step into your power and greatness? Don’t skimp on these. The little stuff counts. NO modesty here. IF YOU’VE DONE IT, IT ISN’T BRAGGING. Validate all your accomplishments. Look through your calendar and any notes to remind you.

3. What have you learned about yourself and your life? What insights have you gained? How have you changed?
True insights have the transformational capability of shifting you into a new, more alive place! This is the stuff that isn’t taught in MBA school. If it had been, you wouldn’t have believed it.

4. What are you grateful for?
This list might include some of the above and anything else you truly appreciate about yourself or any other area of your life. There is a basic principle. Whatever you appreciate and give thanks for will increase. .

5. How can you celebrate to honor your 2009 accomplishments?
What would be a fun, special thing to do for yourself to celebrate your success? You’ll want to include family, friends and associates. Brains are sexy.

8 things 2 say thanks for

2009-12-02T08:08:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving is a fond memory. Yummy food, a day in the 70s and family filled the weekend.
Three generations visiting our beloved legendary Santa carried on the tradition for one more year. There is so much to say thanks over. Here’re a few more:
1.Although a legend in my own mind, any auto accident I have will go unnoticed.
2.Little girls are beautiful in pretty dresses.
3.Colorful crisp leaves on streets and sidewalks to walk through and kick in the air.
4.Family travelers arrived at their destinations safely.
5.Santa said he’d do his best to bring me a boyfriend.
6.A long time desire to have the family at Tea at the Hotel Jefferson was fulfilled and more fun than thought.
7.My heart sings when my girls and I are together.

How goes your toilet paper?

2009-11-10T18:55:00.000-08:00

Change was the discussion during The Retreat lunch. Carey had been to a seminar where the speaker talked about change. Doing little things voluntarily really told how changeable you are. Put your toothbrush in a different hole. Turn the toilet paper around so it goes the other way. Drive a different way to work. Hold your coffee cup with the other hand.

These tiny shifts seem trivial, don’t they? When I returned home, I turned the toilet paper around. No big deal. Holding my tea cup in a different hand felt like my shoes were on the wrong feet. No biggie. I can get used to that. And then change happened spontaneously.

I was speaking to a group of business owners and employees. The cool night air chilled the large space in the warehouse set up for the meeting. Chairs and a long table for my materials were arranged beside the loading doors. Thirty minutes after group business it was my turn to speak. 45 minutes I had to talk on communicating among the generations.

A few minutes into the talk, the lights went out. It was pitch dark.
Men raced to turn them on. The audience shed light on the scene with the camera light from a cell phone and the flame on an i-phone. The audience was merry.

I could hear talking in the far reaches of the fabulous new gigantic warehouse and it wasn’t sounding good. Suddenly a heavy door slammed open against the wall. Bobby announced they didn’t know how to turn the lights on. He asked all to grab their chair and drag it into the warm, brightly lighted beautiful showroom.

Two clever men picked up each end of the long table and carried it into the showroom, tripping down unseen steps. I followed them, clueless about adjustments I had to make.

In the showroom I found my materials, remembered where I’d left off and saw the audience spread randomly among displays of beautiful tile. By the clock, it was wrap up time. One third of the talk was delivered and the audience was ready to leave. I was living the speaker’s nightmare. Quickly in the moment I revamped the talk and the remaining 35 minutes of material were compressed to 15 minutes.

Fred gave an affirmation on the power of good communication and its value. Applause from the audience was kind and much appreciated. Talk about change! I was ready for a stiff drink!

What was the deal about changing toilet paper?

Happy Birthday friend

2009-10-19T11:32:00.000-07:00

The gloomy skies were endless until I got to Afton Mtn, 70 miles from home. There was enough sun to make a shadow! My faith was renewed that the sun really hadn’t gone away. Four days of clouds sure have hidden it well.

Anyway I was on the way to see my friend Anne. Her birthday present was carefully packed and wrapped, too fragile to trust anyone else with it and I hadn’t seen her in too long.

The trip was uneventful, just long. Finally I arrived at Anne’s home, a bungalow nestled on the edge of a ravine dropping to nowhere. We had a grand time talking about all kinds of things. We laughed about how our mothers played their roles and were so unavailable and role models of how not to be. We cherished our aunts who cherished us, her Aunt Anne and my Aunt Kate, our role models for life. Our fathers scared each other. Brothers were scary and so were the houses we lived in. And on our conversations went with laughs, grins and fond memories of life long ago.

Her present was received with hugs, laughs and beach stories. We’re both beach bums at heart with sand between our toes. Her present was a perpetual beach – a castle-shaped bucket filled with sand, shells and starfish gathered from many visits to the Outer Banks.

Did I mention we’ve been friends since kindergarten?

Handling Stress in Stressful Times

2009-10-07T12:21:00.000-07:00

When a summertime beach lover gets a job in Daytona, life is sweet. Imagine getting paid to speak at a beautiful hotel on the oceanfront in October. Weather is clear and 80+ degrees. The beach is hard and wide - especially at low tide.
Today's Daytona 500 NASCAR race started right here. Finishing before the tide came in was always a challenge.
The warm water beckoned. Dodging kids on bicycle choppers I made my way to the water. Crabs and minnows fled by my steps through it to weak waves. Surf and boogie boards are tied to a variety of surfers. My fave is a tall bald headed guy sporting a massive beer belly. Altho' at least 55 yrs. old, he's only 24 in his mind.
Lounging now on the chaise is the best viewing on the beach. It's time to handle stress in stressful times by checking out the inside of my eyelids. Did I mention that I was speaking on stress?

There is no such thing as work life balance.

2009-09-16T03:05:00.000-07:00

Headlines about work life balance scream what every woman wants. Surveys affirm work life balance is among the top 3 challenges for professional women. Work life balance is as individual as each woman. What works for one won’t work for another.

Work life balance is a myth. There is only life balance. What a concept! Think about it.

In the total world of your life there are many parts besides work. A tool I give coaching clients is a circle divided into 8 parts representing family, career, fun, finances, etc. Work is only one of the segments.

How do you know when life is out of whack? Some signs are missing doing things you used to do, working too much of your life and being tired all the time. If you’re getting sick, you could be burned out. You can be crispy around the edges or cooked thoroughly. Your body will make you stop because it will stop.

Several years ago I was spending the month of March in China. I didn’t want to come home to unfinished home renovations or tax preparation. So I spent January and February finishing renovations, doing taxes and working, of course. Because I knew they were short term goals I was committed to executing them. If an invitation came up, I accepted it if it didn’t interfere with the final outcome.

Sound unbalanced? For those two months it was perfect balance for me. My goal was short term and doable with focus. And a month in China was a fabulous reward. Coming home with those projects behind me was exhilarating.

Balance is like standing on one foot. It’s changing and adjusting regularly to what works. You really do know when your life isn’t working. What do you do then?

• Pay attention to what your body and family are telling you.
• Hire a coach.
• Get a friend to help you make tiny changes.
• Plan some fun rewards – like a foot massage, time out to read, etc.
• Take one small step toward what’s missing.
• Reward yourself everyday by doing something nice for you.

Changing habits is hard especially when you just gradually slid into them. Remember balance is what you decide it is. Have fun and enjoy your rewards.

Ten Ways to Shift from Summer to Fall

2009-09-07T09:21:00.000-07:00

Summer is my fave season. There’s a freedom in the air ~ altho’ hot ~ that says travel, a lighter flavor to foods, swimming, reading on the beach. My early Sept. birthday signals for me more than a year of good living. It means time to shift rhythms, start school, put flip flops away, and get ready for cool temperatures, nature’s tree color show and Monday night football. To help you ease into this transition here are 10 ideas.

• Wear a long sleeve blouse with shorts.

• Turn the AC off and open the windows and doors.

• Change out the tired summer annuals in your garden with bright fall mums.

• Open the sun roof in your car and put the windows down.

• Have grilled cheese sandwich and soup for lunch.

• Plan a 4 day get away to see foliage in October.

• Use orange and yellow paper for memos and copies at the office.

• Put together a new outfit from all the clothes you put away last spring.

• Put a bouquet of fresh fall flowers on your desk at work.

• Entertain outside in the cool evening air.

• Get back to the gym.

• Make plans with a new friend to do something you haven’t done before.

• Take a class on something you need to know for your career.

BONUS: Make your reservation for the Smart Woman’s Club Birthday Bash on Sept. 29 here.

COACHES DARE: Have fun challenging a friend to pick one and do it before you do. Let me know how you do.

Saying YES to Life

2009-08-26T09:12:00.000-07:00

Writing the book is a project of untold proportions. Just when I think a chapter’s finished, another point comes up to be included. The last chapter is Smart Women Say YES to Life. So I’m going to tell about Beverly Morano, a mother who ‘jumped on a grenade’ because her daughter, Sarah Murray, asked her. It concerns Black Dog, a savvy, rouge with dreadlocks who first made headlines in Richmond about 9 years ago.

Black Dog evaded dog catchers and city officials trying to catch him. As officials’ attempts were reported daily, fans in the area cheered him on. Everyone loves a winner, especially when it’s a ‘dumb’ animal against authorities.

He 'walked' frequently with me ~ at a distance. Attempts to befriend him were met with loving, kind eyes as he stood stone still or backed up as I stepped closer. That was the Black Dog way ~ you can see me and you're not touching me.

Sarah Murray was instrumental in bringing attention to the city’s pursuit 9 years ago. She and neighbors created T shirts noting his success with proceeds going into a fund to care for him should he need it.

Sadly, Black Dog was killed July 2. It was a blow to the community who reported sightings on his Facebook page and among neighbors. You can read about him at http://tinyurl.com/lesoxk.

When a few fans decided to memorialize him with another shirt using funds Black Dog never used, Sarah asked her mother, Beverly, to take on the project of taking and filling orders.

I called Beverly to order my shirt and met a smart women saying yes to life. She also kept food and shelter available for Black Dog when he chose to use it. She shared stories of her experiences with Black Dog ‘walking’ with her and her family. With no idea of what she was getting into, she said yes and ‘jumped on a grenade’.

Beverly has talked to fans in FL and a judge in western VA who gave his chamber’s number to call when his shirt comes. The second round of shirts are in progress and she’s having much fun talking to Black Dog fans. Bev is saying YES to life.

Have to go now and get my shirt that just arrived. I get to meet smart woman Beverly Morano, whose kitchen is filled with Black Dog shirts.

What Bra Sizes Really Mean

2009-08-18T07:37:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are letters used to define bra sizes? If you have wondered why or couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is time to be informed! From the ethers of the internet the mystery is solved.

{A} = Almost Boobs
{B} = Barely there
{C} = Can't Complain!
{D} = Dang!
{DD}= Double dang!
{E} = Enormous
{F}= Fake
{G}= Get a Reduction
{H}= Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up!

Perpetual Attitude Adjuster

2009-08-12T06:51:00.000-07:00

“We seem to be running out of steam. This whole thing is going on longer than anyone thought. We have to keep up our spirits. We have to live with gratitude for what we have. “ the speaker said. The audience clapped and cheered in agreement.

Gratitude goes a long way. People ask how I stay so cheerful and optimistic. It’s so simple. It takes no more than 5 minutes at bedtime. Here’s my secret:

I’m grateful for all I have. I keep a gratitude journal that reminds me of the bounty and blessings filling my life. Here’s how it works.

Get a book with blank or lined pages. Pick out one that makes you feel good and smile. Target has lovely ones. On the first page write a favorite quote or saying, the date and add "my gratitude journal' to it.

Every evening review your day. I begin the review with waking up in the morning to birds singing and go through my day in my head to being ready to write down my gratitudes. I recall what happened, phone calls, unpleasant and pleasant conversations, surprises, nice things that people do for me, random acts of kindness. You get the picture. Looking over your calendar will help you.

Then write down at least 5 things you're grateful for. Each day I write different things to keep me mindful of how much is wonderful.

On a hotterthanheck Sunday a friend came over and we hung out at the pool. My entries for that day read this way: hanging out at the pool with Hugh, being treated to lunch, ready for tomorrow’s sales calls, good conversation with neighbors, and reading well at church. They read like a tweet - sound bites. If you want to write more, do.

I have another short column with GG at the top. It’s for God’s grace – those sweet ‘out of the blue’ things that happen. Being treated to lunch, using a float, phone call from a friend I’m thinking about. This keeps me remembering that God is busy helping me.

Over time it becomes a diary as you review daily entries. My journal lives on my bedside table with a favorite pen. Before I turn out my light at night, I make my entries. Going to bed focused on what’s right and well in my world makes for good and restful sleep.

Keep your journal any way you like so it reflects you. You’ll see it evolve as your gratitude increases.

A book, a pen, and 5 minutes make a wonderful attitude adjustor. My secret is out.

COACHES CHALLENGE: Begin to write down what you’re grateful for. Make them different each day. Share one or two with me on Facebook @ The Smart Woman’s Club fan page and Twitter @thesmartwoman. Let’s get a gratitude stream going.

Turn objections around

2009-08-03T07:15:00.000-07:00

How many times have you heard sentences like this?

"I'd like to hear more about your idea, but I haven't got time right now." "I think you're a really great person, but I'm not ready for a relationship." "It sounds great, but I can't afford it."

Credit goes to John McWhirter, a UK-based NLP trainer, and Michael Neill for this technique to turn objections around.

Most of us have learned to disregard whatever comes before the "but" and take the second half of the sentence as the speakers "actual" message. But what happens if you reverse the sentence, using the "but" as the pivot point, and then take things a step further in the direction we want them to go?

Try reading the following examples out loud, emphasizing the last phrase: "So you haven't got time right now, but you'd love to hear more about this? When would be a better time to set up a meeting?" "Let me see... you're not ready for a relationship, but you think I'm a really great person? How about if we just hang out together for a while?" "If I'm understanding you, you can't afford it, but it sounds great? Well if it sounds great, let's see if we can't sort out a way for you to afford it!"

Today's Experiment:
1. Complete the following sentence stems. You may complete each one as many different ways as you would like.

a. I want to be successful, but...
b. I want to be healthy, but...
c. I want to exercise, but...

2. Choose your favorite completions from part one. Reverse the "but", and sell yourself on a new belief! Example:

a. I want to have more money, but I don't want to do more work.
b. I don't want to do more work, but I do want to have more money. What are twenty things I could do to make more money with less work?

Keep on being smart!

Fall Classes for Women

2009-07-28T09:57:00.000-07:00

FALL CLASSES FOR WOMEN AT THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER

Registration must be completed by Tuesday, July 31, 2009

NOTE: Due to complexity and difficult level of contents, class sizes will be limited to 8 participants max.

Class 1: Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to Adjust a Thermostat Step by Step with Slide Presentation. Meets 4 wks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs. beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 2: Which Takes More Energy - Putting the Toilet Seat Down or Bitching About It for 3 Hours? Round Table Discussion. Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hrs.

Class 3: Fundamental Differences between a Purse and a Suitcase Pictures and Explanatory Graphics. Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 4: How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program Help Line Support and Support Groups. Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM.

Class 5: Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos? Open Forum. Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hrs.

Class 6: Health Watch--They Make Medicine for PMS - USE IT! Three nights: Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hrs.

Class 7: The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used. Includes live demonstration. Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

Thanks to Susie Galvez for sending this class schedule. Be sure to sign up now.

12 Random Summertime Things to Do

2009-07-10T12:11:00.000-07:00

Summer, my fave season, is raging. July is here and there are so many cool, literally and figuratively, things yet to do. Long days bring neighbors out to sit on the stoop, sip wine and chat. For some the doldrums are setting in. Here're are 12 random things to do.

Catch fireflies.

Lie on your back and look at the night sky.

Go swimming or at least wade in the water.

Eat a picnic lunch during your work day under a shady tree.

Say NO.

Wear your funnest summer outfit.

Take a day trip to a new place.

Eat food you haven't tasted before.

Enjoy a glass of wine on the stoop with a neighbor.

Turn your Balckberry/I-phone off for 30 minutes.

Go barefoot in fresh cut grass.

Smile and wave at a stranger.

COACHES DARE: Do 2 things within 7 days.

Creating an A+ Image in a D- Economy

2009-07-03T06:37:00.000-07:00

The Smart Woman's Club event Creating an A+ Image in a D- Economy was loaded with fun, smart women and tips for looking good and professional to make more money, have a better career and be taken seriously. Don't leave out increasing confidence and self esteem.
Here are some tips for your professional image from Suzanne Tongue with Style Capital (www.stylecapital.co.uk).

Clothes should fit immaculately. If you’re curvy, fabrics should lightly follow your curves, not cling or look stiff/boxy.

Think about whether bare legs are appropriate in your corporate culture/for your position.

Clothes should be neat, pressed, clean and repaired.

Sleeveless tops can detract from professionalism – they need to fit perfectly, be of superb quality and have a ‘third’ piece.

Accessories (belts, pens, handbags, watches, eyeglasses, jewelry, even umbrellas) add polish to business casual. So does makeup.

Shoes make or break. Even if casual, keep them polished, clean and beautiful.

No printed T-shirts. Ever!

And finally –do you really want to wear jeans to work?

Too much to do to change

2009-06-15T13:12:00.000-07:00

The Smart Woman’s Club Stimulus Plan is all about helping you thrive in your career, love life and celebrate how wonderful you are. Doing that more helps you and the whole country recover from lousy news and economy taking up too much air time and space.

In order to do that some things have to change ~ like you. “Yikes! Oh no! I’ve got too much to do to change.” your inner voice, the little witch, screams.

You get in your way every day at least once. You said yes when you wanted to say no. Last week Helen was telling about an assignment her civic club wanted her to do. She said OK. Now she’s wondering how she’ll find time to do it because she couldn’t say no.

Self defeating behaviors like that are stressful. Other stressing behaviors are being the only person who can do the job, working too many hours, and being too responsible. Don’t forget being the perfectionist or analyzing things to death.

You’re getting something out of these behaviors or you wouldn’t do them. They feed your need, take all your time, rob you of any balance in life, and keep you from playing in life’s sandbox. Too much of any one can make you sick.

I’m going to challenge your thinking.

If you’re the only one to do the job, who does it when suddenly you aren’t there? Clara is the ‘only one’ in the school that handles student financing and graduation. Her sister was critically injured in an accident causing Clara to be at her bedside 24/7. The school told her they’d handle her work so she could be with her sister.

Time is a finite quantity. Do you expect to give your life to your company? Business owners say “Yes I do.” Employees say “I have done that.” Kathi worked all the time. Home was for sleeping, eating and passing husband John like a ship in the night. Kathi wanted a life with John and couldn’t figure out how to extricate herself from work. When John was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, she figured it out.

Are you the responsible one, always in charge? You have to be responsible so you get built up helping. Co-workers self esteem sinks because you don’t let them do it and learn how. Sally, the office 'mother', took a 2 week vacation. Sally was buried with work when she returned as her team ‘couldn’t do it'.

Does that job have to be done perfectly? You miss deadlines, keep everyone from meeting their deadlines and otherwise block progress. Jane, the perfectionista, is given very small tasks and over looked for promotion because she doesn’t finish jobs on time.

Taking a risk causes you to hyperventilate. More data is needed to make the right decision. Mary wanted a new car, the perfect one. For one year she studied cars, making lists of pros and cons. Then models changed and she started all over. She admits she’d never do that again.

Were you shaking your head YES as you read along? Was your body getting hot as your guilt rose? Was your witch saying “That’s you. You can’t change. Who would do what you do as well? What are you thinking?” Peggy Collins book HELP IS NOT A FOUR LETTER WORD is a must read for you if you said yes.

Self defeating behaviors can be changed ~ like your hair color. It’s a choice. Where to start? Pick one causing the most stress and heartburn. Then begin.

COACHES DARE: Say NO at least once a day. Please let me know how it goes. If you want some reinforcement, I'm glad to be your accountability buddy.

The Sites You've Seen Contest

2009-06-03T11:25:00.000-07:00

To celebrate the Smart Woman’s Stimulus Plan we’re looking for your best image story ~ be it boldly bad or beautiful. Tell us the sites you’ve seen on women and men.
Don’t hold back. Tell us how a personal appearance ~ aka image ~ helps loving life, thriving professionally and celebrating with confidence.
Share it by June 30. The winner will be announced at Creating An A+ Image in a D- Economy on July 1. You can register for that at www.smartwomansclub.com/events.asp.
Thanks for contributing to the Smart Woman’s Club Stimulus Plan.

Adventures in Asking

2009-05-15T13:51:00.000-07:00

“Business isn’t very good now.” Eileen said. “I don’t seem to be able to close the sale. I can’t ask for the order.”

How come she can’t ask for business? Where does that come from? How many times have you wanted to ask and not?

Last week I was in the jewelry store getting some jewelry repaired. In a small bag were several pieces of jewelry to sell. In my mind this conversation was going on about should I, shouldn’t I ask the jeweler about buying these pieces. I decided I had nothing to loose by asking. I had taken time to gather those pieces since I’d thought about selling them for years. About the same time, the jeweler said “What do you have in the bag?”

In my mind I chuckled because of my reluctance to ask, about the energy used in that mental conversation with that voice only I could hear about to derail my plan. And I was mad with me for entertaining that mental conversation.

My hesitation was all about doing as I was taught at 3 years old - asking is impolite and rude. (Heaven forbid a southern women should be any of those.) I didn’t want to appear rude, needy or who knows what else that’s unlike a Southern woman, bless her heart. The need was to clean out old jewelry and bring joy to someone that would give it a new loving home.

Children ask for everything and anything they want with total abandon, without hesitation, without thought other than I want it. Loving parents, teaching girls to be “good” and save them from embarrassing themselves, drill them "Don’t ask for what you want when you want it."

Wanting to please, children stop asking. And it carries into adulthood.

This is especially true for women. After all, we want to be good girls, please our parents and be liked. We become ‘nice’ girls. We tell ourselves that people will figure out what we want by reading our minds if we hint enough. We wish and live with disappointment because all those crystal balls are too foggy to read. We settle.

At the Smart Women’s Retreat asking and lack of asking was discussed. The women decided they would practice asking. They went into town and asked for things. When they returned from town, they had all sorts of goodies: a cute water glass, napkins, fancy menu, jelly beans, souvenirs. Tales and howls were plentiful about what happened when they asked for silly things, big things and how friendly everyone was when they asked for help.

Lisa summed their experience up when she said “Never was asking so much fun and hard at the same time. We learned to egg each other on. We enjoyed the successes each time one of us asked. We got over ourselves.”

COACHES CHALLENGE: Ask for something 20 times a day for 5 days in a row. It’s not important that you want everything you ask for. It’s about strengthening your asking muscle like the Retreat women. Email me at smokie@smartwomansclub.com with your results. Smart women want to hear your experiences.

Do you dare to bare arms?

2009-05-12T11:57:00.000-07:00

“Michelle has the right to bear arms.” Prez O said at the Press Dinner. This fund raiser is also a fun raiser with quips flying to and from those on the right and the left. In DC there is buzz about Michelle and her arms. Well sculpted and toned are accurate descriptors. She is a model to all of us about self care and its benefits. Personally I think she bench presses Barack and the girls each day. If you got it, flaunt it has been the feminine mantra since Eve was in the garden with Adam.

Have Michelle’s arms gotten you to the gym or in action about your arms in some way?

Thank you to a reader/friend that brought to my attention how I made over Susan Boyles. I changed her name. It was as easy as hitting a few keys on the keyboard naming her Sarah! My apologies to Susan.

3 Keys to Coping When Your World Gets Rocked - Part 2

2009-04-27T11:40:00.000-07:00

The stock market creates a frenzy daily. Your neighbor just lost her job. Mama’s gravely ill. Your world’s rocked. Another storm just hit. Just when you wonder what else can happen, dag gone it does.

A saying is "God never gives you more than you can handle." Another one is "what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger." You’ve had enough. “God, quit this. Send help. “ you scream.

One day was especially hard during my divorce. Pain, the emotional kind, racked my entire being. Crying on the phone to friend Faith I shouted through tears “I don’t want to be stronger. I'm stong enough. I want it to end.”

Faith was a huge support during that time. Support, knowing about your finances and staying optimistic are 3 keys previously discussed. Three more keys to coping when your world gets rocked can make a difference to you and everyone around you.

The most important key is taking care of yourself. Sound radical? Women are wizards at putting everyone else first. When your world gets rocked, make taking care of yourself the center of your Universe. ‘Yea, yea, that’s easy for you to say’ you’re thinking.

I know from experience that no one will take better care of you than you can. You just need to develop that muscle, create that habit. There’s a big difference between self care and being selfish – a topic for another time. Eating well, resting when you’re tired and exercising your body with more than going to the car, running errands and walking around the house are good beginnings.

Controlling what comes into your environment is another key. Environment is defined as anywhere you are – the office, home, yard, grocery store. Where you have control is what comes into your home and car. News comes via television, radio, computer, magazines, newspapers, blackberrys. Any item that has a power button can be turned off. Keeping the bad news out, or at a minimum, keeps your energy up and your health better. If something happens that you really need to know, you’ll find out. Now’s the time to play those CDs that you haven’t heard in a long time. Last week really was National Turn Off The TV Week, no kidding.

Related to that is how much you talk about good news and positive things. How much do you talk about bad news? This morning a friend told a sad story about a young family racked with illness and bad times. I felt myself getting anxious for it to end. I didn’t want that conversation zapping my energy. Pay attention and monitor how you feel as you’re talking. You can control your part of the conversation.

They’re choices you make. Just as you choose what you’re wearing or having for lunch, you choose what you do, with whom, how and when. For a moment reflect on your day and the choices you’ve made already. Are they getting you what you want? Do they empower you? Or do they hold you back, waste time and money? How have you used your power? Then decide what you want to have happen. Make choices that make it happen. Choose a positive attitude. Choose success. You’re on the road to big things.

Nature has a daily routine with the sun setting the pace for the day to begin when it rises and to wind down when it sets. Daily activities are planned around that. You have a routine of some kind. When I was out of work, I had no routine. No work meant no reason to get up. I was lost. My stomach wanting food was the only regulator I had. Lack of routine was messing me up. I decided I needed a routine because I really missed it. What a difference it made. I was in sync with the world again. A routine can make the same difference for you. Getting up at the same time every day can change your life.

Creating and following a routine, making good choices and taking care of yourself are three more ways to cope during hard times. Your family and friends are supporting you. You can make smart choices that give you power. You feel good about yourself.

Staying positive is easier when you have control over yourself and what you do. Positive people attract the best people and opportunities. Like Rick Warren says in the Purpose Driven Life “Between now and this time tomorrow, you’ll give your life to something.” What will you give your life to?

COACHES CHALLENGE: Do something nice for yourself each and every day.

© Copyright 2009 by Smokie Sizemore, CPCC. You may include this article in your e-zine , website or distribute it to others provided you include the copyright statement and bio information tag found at the end of this article. Smokie Sizemore, CPCC, speaker and founder of the Smart Woman’s Club, is an expert on the authentic woman. She coaches professional women to thrive in their careers, and have the life they want. For more information visit www.smartwomansclub.com.

Makeover for Sarah?

2009-04-23T11:53:00.000-07:00

There is very good news. A new voice and face – heck a whole personality – has shown up and captured the air waves. Her name is Sarah Boyles. Catch her appearance on Britian’s Got Talent at www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY.

Because she wants to be a professional singer and told her mum, who died 2 years ago, that she’d do it, she did it. Funny how we'll do something for someone else that we won't do for ourselves.

She’s not your average looking svelte, glamorous siren. Quite the contrary. She’s what my kin would call ‘down home’, bless her heart.

Already in these few short weeks since her discovery, this 47 year old Scottish songstress has done some changing with footwear and attire. If you were to make Sarah over, what would you do?

Smart women want to know.

News or 5 minute phone call?

2009-04-06T12:08:00.000-07:00

‘Cell phones must be turned off’ the sign at the lobby entrance declared.
“How nice. I won’t be subjected to ringing phones and dialog divulging TMI.” I thought.
At the check-in desk a sign said “Please limit all calls to 5 min. Thank you.”
Meanwhile live CNN was blaring and streaming the doom of the day.
Give me a 5 minute phone call, please!

Four Common Mistakes and How to Avoid Them

2009-04-02T07:19:00.000-07:00

Networking is about having links - those golden people that can lead to jobs and business. It looks easy on the surface. ostly what you see is ineffective because people are making mistakes that cancel their efforts and waste their time.

Four Common Mistakes and How to Avoid Them
by Jerry N. Smith

Referral business is invaluable to a small business and building a strong network is key to maximizing referrals.

The process of networking is long term, and for many business owners requires going to events and joining groups that may be uncomfortable. It also requires you to make small talk and almost always deliver your 30 second introduction, neither of which you may feel are strengths. There are some common mistakes that can decrease your effectiveness in a networking situation. The good news is that networking is a marketing skill that can be learned. There are things you can do to address these mistakes immediately.

So what are these mistakes?

1. Talking about yourself - this is a mindset issue and much of what follows is related. It may seem counter-intuitive, but successful networking relies on you talking LESS about yourself and more about the person to whom you are talking at the time. It may seem that you need to tell as many people as you can all about yourself and your business, but as we shall see, this is counterproductive.

One place you typically find a lot of self-talk is the 30 second introduction. Compiling a successful introduction takes time and effort. Often you will hear facts about the speaker's company - time in business, awards won, location and so on. Also common is a list of services they provide. The effect of this is to force the listener to decide if the services listed apply to them. Chances are they have heard similar speeches before and will tend to tune you out. Tip: make your introduction about the clients you love to serve. Say who you work with and the issues you help them with and you will get far more interest.

Lesson one therefore: Talk less about yourself

2. Selling - again, this may not seem to make sense upon first examination. Surely you are going to a networking event to find prospects and sell to them? Indeed this is a common tactic you will see. As soon as there is a whiff of interest, leap straight into "selling" mode. This is where the impression that networking events are full of sales people comes from. Most of the time this is a mistake because people hate to be sold. Your prospects have real issues for which they are searching for solutions, but they don't even know you yet. You certainly haven't established any trust with them and you need that first.

The way to avoid a selling habit is to change your mindset from finding clients, to establishing if they even have a need for your service and whether the two of you are a good "fit" for one another. To do this you need to understand the issues and challenges that your services address, and you need to ASK QUESTIONS to find out whether there is a fit with the person to whom you are speaking.

3. Failing to give value - remember establishing trust? Once you have gained the attention of your prospect, you need to establish trust with them so that they don't simply see you as another salesman, but someone to engage in further conversation. This is related to the avoidance of selling. If you are prepared to give away up to 20% of the value you give to clients, this will position you favorably as someone who is giving before expecting to get.

You might say that's all well and good, but what do you give away? This depends on your business and the service you provide but typically, information that people can use is extremely valuable. Write reports and/or tip sheets on how to address common issues your clients wrestle with and offer to send that to prospects without expecting them to buy immediately - that's important. Give of this information freely.

4. Poor follow up - networking is generally the first stage in a relationship. It may be the only conversation you have with someone if you agree there is no fit between you. Chances are that you will see them again, and you want them to remember you and what you do so they can refer you to others. Whatever you agree to do next (send that report, email them with times to get together, send them a hand written note) you must follow through. Again, you are trying to build trust. If you collect cards but can't remember what you agreed to do with them, that is worse than not meeting in the first place. Trust will be lost if you don't follow up.

These points may seem obvious but they require a particular mindset that can be summed up as follows:

Think "give" not "get" - give value freely, don't seek to gain a client on first meeting. Be inquisitive - ask questions to find out about others rather than seeking to tell them about you. Gear your message to other people's challenges - this is about them, not about you!

If you follow these simple rules you will stand out positively from all those people trying to sell!

Penny Wise and Time Foolish

2009-04-02T06:59:00.000-07:00

Networking takes time. Done properly your time investment brings huge rewards. Done poorly, the way most people network and how I did for years, your time is wasted, never to be regained. Read Mike Macedonio's article for insight.

Penny Wise and Time Foolish
By Mike Macedonio

Is it just me or is anyone else shaking their head at the assertion that “word-of-mouth marketing and referral marketing are FREE advertising.” Clearly, referral marketing (done properly) is a cost-effective way to get businness, but the only way I can possibly see making it FREE is to do nothing at all.

So what is the investment for referral marketing? There are two investments with building your business by referral: time and money. I’m surprised when I ask business owners how much they are investing in referral marketing and they don’t have any idea. Is it because it is so cost-effective that they don’t think it is worth budgeting or tracking? Maybe. However, I also see businesspeople turn down opportunities to get involved in networking organizations, acquire training, attend conferences or sponsor strategic alliance events for financial reasons.

What about the hidden cost? How much time are you spending networking and meeting with referral sources? What is your time worth? Often when I ask that question, I get the billable rate. Here is the simple formula I use. How much you earn, divided by how much you work. For example, if you’re making $120,000 a year working 40 hours per week, 50 weeks a year, your time is worth $60 per hour. You may be billing $150 per hour; however, after you factor in everything else you are doing, this is what your time is returning to you.

When you consider that the serious active networker will spend eight hours a week attending networking events, networking online, meeting with referral sources and giving time to activities with his network, that works out to 400 hours per year or $24,000 of time invested a year. Hmmm, that doesn’t sound like FREE to me.

Referral marketing is the most cost-effective way to grow your business. Getting the best return on your time and money requires a clear referral marketing plan. Will you be spending your time doing the right things, with the right people, in the right organizations? Investing in referral marketing knowledge will help you get the best return for your time investment. Be careful not to fall into the common trap of being penny wise and time foolish with your referral marketing. Create a budget and invest appropriately in your referral marketing.

3 Keys to Coping When Your World Gets Rocked

2009-03-15T16:48:00.000-07:00

Liza ran ahead of us as we walked to the playground. Mary, Liza's mom, told me her husband didn’t want to be married any more. There was no working things out. Divorce was coming. She continued “This isn’t the ride I signed up for. My ticket got punched and I don’t like it. My world’s rocked.”
Whether it’s your marriage, job or another loss, your ticket got punched. Life changed. That wasn’t part of your plan. Your world got rocked. What do you do?
There are 3 keys to coping in hard times. Finances, support and staying encouraged that this too shall pass are the major top the major top three.

First know how much money you have. What accounts it’s in and how liquid it is will bring you peace of mind. Plan further. Figure out how much it costs you to live and how long your current funds will last without having extra income. Denial has no room here.

Secondly research shows that support is vital to relieving stress. Leslie’s friends wanted to fix her as she talked about the pain in breaking up with her boyfriend. Finally she told them what she needed. She said “I don’t need to you tell me what to do. I know what to do. What I need is a hug.” Keep your family and friends close. Open up to them and let them know what you need.

And finally, no matter how bad it gets, stay optimistic. I know that sounds impossible. When all has gone to heck in a handbag, how is it possible? Dr. Bev Smallwood of the Hope Clinic suggests these 3 questions to ask yourself when you get down in the dumps.

Are you telling yourself this is temporary or is it permanent? Do you say I’ll never find another job? Or do you say this is only for now.
Are you talking in negative generalities? Life is lousy; things will never get better; and I’m stuck are generalities.
Are you beating yourself up with ‘what ifs’? What if I had paid attention? What if I had invested more and spent less? What if…you fill in the blank…? You’ll never know what if. It’s a waste of brain power and keeps you stuck in a bad place.

When I was left with a huge house and teenager to support by myself, a neighbor suggested I do these things. I didn’t feel like it and I sure didn’t want to. I forced myself to do them since she’d had experience on the same path. I did them anyway and credit my recovery from my world that had been turned upside down.

You always have choices. Start with these three tools. Smart choices give you power which gives you control over coping when your world gets rocked and feel like you have no control. Rick Warren in the Purpose Driven Life says that between now and this time tomorrow, you’ll give your life to something. Choose well. You’ll keep on being smart.

© Copyright Smokie Sizemore 2009. You may include this article in your E-zine or on your website or distribute it to others, provided you include the copyright statement and bio information tag line found at the end of this article. Smokie Sizemore, CPCC, speaker and founder of the Smart Woman’s Club, is an expert on the authentic woman. She coaches professional women to thrive in their careers and love their life. For more information, visit www.smartwomansclub.com.

The Easiest Facelift Ever

2009-03-10T14:05:00.000-07:00

It was so quick. I showed up for my 2 pm appointment with excitement. At 3:15 I was on my way, my headshot captured on disc. Not a wrinkle, crease line, crow’s foot or blemish remained. No blood, scalpels or invasive procedures. The turkey neck was gone, too. It was the easiest cosmetic surgery on the planet.
If you saw Sophia Loren at the Oscars you know what I’m talking about. She didn’t look like herself. Neither did I – look like her or myself. The face was plastic looking – more like a mold with slits where eyes and breathing holes were stuck in.
The photo must’ve spent all day in PhotoShop.
“I didn’t have skin like this when I was 4 years old.” I told the photographer in a 911 call.
Back to PhotoShop I went. The image was projected on the biggest flat screen you ever saw. That’s scary. Actually the image could be an anti-terrorist deterent.
With a few quick clicks all wrinkles, sags and turkey skin appeared from nowhere. Circles drawn like surgeon marks dotted the face. With right click massages the blemishes and creases inside the circles smoothed right out. And so it went until the desired look was achieved.
Gone was the plastic looking tight skin. Found was my essence, sparkle, lines and creases, signatures of life experienced.
It was the easiest cosmetic surgery ever.

Makeover and Vibrator

2009-03-02T09:52:00.000-08:00

I plopped myself in the chair at Estee Lauder cosmetic counter. I was curious about spring colors. Never being interested in skin care or taking time to put more than lipstick on I consider this radical.
I do love getting made up. It makes me feel like a movie star. Now that my skin is heading south I' m interested in helping my appearance in every way, even if it means wearing make up.
So there I was on Tuesday afternoon. Janice, the so professional cosmetic woman, asked all the questions about things never passing through my mind. The answer was “What do you think would be best? Then let’s see what it looks like.” Janice carefully covered my face with soft warm colors. Then it was time to do the eyes. A little liner and some mascara.
While she searched for new products, I explored what she’d laid on the tray beside me. Lipstick, blush, moisturerizer, and mascara were beautifully packaged. The mascara brush was set aside. When I picked it up, it buzzed softly, then it shook. It felt good. It felt really good. It was a vibrator.
Who’d have thought Estee Lauder cosmetic counter is the place to get a vibrator.

Caught in the loop

2009-02-15T14:35:00.000-08:00

How many tmes have you been caught in the loop of the electronic phone menu? Has it sent you over the edge? You're going to write a letter about it to the hightest authority and let them know how stupid the dumb menu is. Saying you'll do it is one thing. Actually doing it is another.
An elderly woman took action when this letter showed up last week. Supposedly it's a real letter sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times. She certainly makes her point for all of us.

Dear Sir:
I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month.
By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it.
I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.
I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and letters, --- when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.
From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh -and-blood person. My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.
Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof. In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me.
I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
Let me level the playing field even further.
When you call me, press buttons as follows:
IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING, PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH
#1. To make an appointment to see me.
#2. To query a missing payment.
#3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
#4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
#5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
#6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
#7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.
#8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.
#9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.
#10. This is a second reminder to press* for English. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.
Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement. May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year?
Your Humble Client

Amen!

Design your year

2009-01-17T15:27:00.000-08:00

It’s a new year. Whoopidoo. Hopes for a new start are dashed by headlines. Or are they?
Ads scream New Year! New You! New President! They yell for changing more than calendar pages. Smart women flex with the times. They adjust here and shift there. Knowing where you’re headed and designing your platform give the foundation to be solid and grounded regardless of what happens.
Answering these questions will set you up for a new you in this new year.
Smart women make their own rules. 2009 is the year to make your new rules. Here’re some questions to think about as you make your rules.
What are your three main goals to accomplish this year? What’s important about them? How will your life change because you met them?
What one thing can you do that brings out the best you? Is it to join the gym and actually use it to firm up flabby arms and jelly belly?
What change can you make that will improve your life right now? Is it to clean out your closet, fix the broken drawer, clean the winter debris off the garden?
What change do you have to make? When does it need to be done? Probably the sooner the better.
Where can you lighten up?
What skill do you need to improve or develop?
How can you put more fun in 2009? Perhaps a regular date night, a monthly night out with the girls, going to a new place for dinner, wear a pin upside down and see who notices, wade in a fountain, join a book club.
How can you do more of what you love to do? My favorite is laughing. Try it: laugh a good ole hard belly laugh til your jaws and sides hurt because you laughed so hard.
What are you excited about?
What wacky, crazy thing do you want to do? This is the year to do it so get going.
Who can help you? While this life is do-it-yourself, it isn’t a do-it-alone job.
And finally if you had a theme for 2009, besides tie a knot on your rope and hold on, what would it be? Ask your teammates at work to pick one for the department and listen to an energizing conversation.
What do you want to be able to say at year end about your life this year? It’s a new year, new you and new times never experienced before. Design your year. Go for it.

The best Sunday afternoon

2009-01-12T17:53:00.000-08:00

It was cold, damp and windy. I needed to think and plan. Believe it or not, playing golf and walking are the best places for me to do this. Being a fair weather golfer only, walking was the choice. Two laps around the Vita Trail was enough time to do my mental work. Proud was I, and sleepy.
At home, my bed waited, calling 'take a nap'. So I did. I'm not one to struggle and resist good invitations. What a fabulous way to reward myself for a productive planning session in the wind. It was the best Sunday afternoon.

The Mistake of the Day

2009-01-06T13:21:00.000-08:00

Today I made a mistake. So what’s the big deal? It meant that I couldn’t deliver what’s promised to members of the Smart Woman’s Club. That means I'm out of integrity.
A radio announcer get gigged by a listener on some wrong information he gave. The announcer said with greatly amplified sound “The mistake of the day.” In his regular voice he continued “Glad that’s over with. Now I won’t worry about messing up today. It’s out of the way.”
So today I messed up big time. I confess. I own it. I’m so glad that it’s out of my way. I apologize for not keeping my word.
Everyone makes mistakes. My 2009 theme calls for making bold moves which open me up for making more mistakes. Mistakes mean that I’m doing new things, growing and out of my comfort zone. Yikes.
Let’s raise a glass to being uncomfortable and doing new things, even the mistake of the day.

GOOD BYE 2008

2008-12-29T09:28:00.001-08:00

Finally 2008 is closing. It's easy to dwell on what was wrong. Be zany and think about what was right. An annual exercise is to list 25 + successes during the year. At first it was hard and then it occured to me that those successes weren't only about giant things. They include the little things too.

New friends and finding a yummy new chicken dish to fix count. I asked Santa for a boyfriend. A miracle is on my list too - having my whole family together for Christmas at my home.

Leaving 2008 on a high note sets up a platform for success for 2009. Share some of your successes here. So long, good bye 2008.

Holiday Greetings

2008-12-22T06:07:00.001-08:00

May the beauty of the season brighten up your life and decorate your days with love, smiles, and joy. May you receive the gift of hope in each day that is especially for you.

Tis the Season

2008-12-16T13:39:00.000-08:00

Tis the season to be jolly. Ads with smiling faces, gifts, places to shop say it, too. White lights outline tall buildings downtown, making the business landscape magical in the dark.

Tis the season for change. Homes are transformed into magical places with tradiional precious decorations. Furniture's moved to make room for a tree, of all things.

With life changes come new customs, born from a need to survive holidays. Memories of past holidays came as I put out pictures of my girls with Santa.

Over the last 4 years my granddaughter, Anna, and I have visited the same Santa her mother saw. Where I live tradition has been honed to a high art form.

The first time my 2 daughters went with us. It was fun to hear these adult kids share their memories of going to see Santa so long ago. As they talked I learned that for them Christmas is the season to be sure there's time to visit Santa.

Tis the season to keep traditions, even if they're changed to a new place and stage in life by your own doing or someone else's. Tis the season for old and new to merge.

GLORY GOT KIDNAPPED

2008-12-11T06:25:00.000-08:00

Glory got kidnapped. On Sunday. While I was in church.

The church garage was full. The lot next door had plenty of empty spaces.

I left Glory B (my car) in the lot. Signs were nailed everywhere saying RESERVED SPACES. YOUR CAR WILL BE TOWED. CALL 262-2100 TO FIND IT. "What the hey - I'll push the envelope and take a risk. It's Sunday, these people won't bother Glory while I'm in church. There're plenty of spaces. I've done it before." I say as I lock her up and walk away.

Several hours later, I walk briskly to the lot to get on with the day. The space is empty. Glory B has been kidnapped.

OK. I pushed the envelope and now I have to pay ransom. Lord only knows how far away the lot is where she's secure now and how much it'll cost to bet her back.

Time for a 911 call and I don't have my phone (pushing the envelope again). Rescuers arrived in the form of George and Nelly, friends I'd just chatted with at church. With their phone I call the kidnapper. Over the TV blarring the game of the day and children screaming I hear the disgruntled dispatcher tell me how to spring Glory B.

George and Nelly are great rescuers. They brought me home to get my debit card, to the bank to get the money, and to the lot to spring Glory B.

Five crisp $20 bills and 40 minutes later ransom was paid. Glory B was free. Sweet success and synchronicity saved the day that Glory got kidnapped.

What do you share with friends?

2008-12-05T13:34:00.000-08:00

How many times did I say I was going to write a book? 50x? 100x? Finally I'm working on my book. It's one huge project.

I'm proud to say it's in progress. Progressing slowly is more accurate. It's titled SMART WOMAN MAKE THEIR OWN RULES. It's about women and living life on their terms with full permission to do so.

Friends are encouraging me and holding my feet to the fire to get it done. This morning I was writing about friends - who they are, how they are, how we love each other and traditions we share. My friend Jean and I go to the Urbanna Oyster Festival every year. For 3 years now we've enjoyed seafood, shopping, people watching, dissing. You know the girl stuff we share.

I want to know what you do with your friends. What are some ways you and your friends share and live life together?

Do something good every day.

2008-12-01T14:24:00.000-08:00

A time windfall happened today.
Sounds odd,doesn't it - a time windfall. We're all time deprived at work and home. Toss in holidays, parties, shopping, etc. and color us frantic. How does a time windfall happen?
Show up 30 minutes early for an appointment. Wanting to maximize this found time, off to the nearby Starbuck's I went to write.
Of course, I have to get a cup of tea to make writing better. The counter was packed with CDs, gift cards, biscotti, etc. In the mix was the best reminder of the day - do something good every day.
In the new How To Survive - And Thrive - in Hard Times class starting in January
homework is do something good for yourself or another daily.
What are some good things you do?

Surprise bounty

2008-11-28T15:05:00.000-08:00

This day after Thanksgiving was a day of fun and plenty. Don, my beach friend and pilot, and I went to the Va. Air Museum to see some amazing airplanes. Don never met a staranger and started talking to a volunteer guide there. The next thing I knew he was climbing into a tiny Vultee aircraft built about 1930 and used as an executive plane for passengers like Clark Gable, Carole Lombard and Randolph Hearst. I followed. It was quite plush inside and complete with a bathroom about as big as an elf room.
Afterwards a short auto tour of Richmond covered historical sites. As we headed home we drove around some trash in the road. On second glance it was tomatoes and mushrooms, almost ready for a salad. On Don's insistance, we gathered enough for us to share and use ourselves. They'll go well with our Turkey Day leftovers.
Life is good and bountiful. Just look around. There's bounty in the least expected places.

Heart moments

2008-11-24T06:54:00.001-08:00

Over the weekend I delighted in visiting a long time friend, Sherri, over a bowl of hot homemade soup on a very cold windy Saturday in her home. As women do, we talked about everything in no particular order - business, easy foods to fix, unexpected flurries in November, trips to Africa, and boyfriends. While we ate, we watched birds eat and were entertained and awed by the hummingbirds. They darted around, chased each other away from the food, returned one at a time to perch on the feeder and drank heartily.

Sherri and I connected at the heart, ate and loved the moment. It's the best of smart woman heart moments. What are some of your smart woman heart moments?

The safety patrol

2008-11-20T06:02:00.000-08:00

'Today's my 10th anniversary as a school crossing guard!' the lady in the middle of the street yelled at me. She's on my early morning walking route, stopping traffic at the busy intersection for the elementary school children and me to cross the street safely.

Seeing her in the yellow vest and white cross straps marking the safety patrol took me back to my days on the safety patrol. This was an honor we could apply for in the 5th and 6th grades. And such an honor it was to be chosen to be in the select few.

The rewards were my draw to be there. Forget that I had to be there at o dark early to suit up to begin. After duty we got to go to the corner drug store and get orange juice on a hot morning and hot chocolate on a cold morning. We got to look important wearing the cross straps. We stopped traffic, including buses.

And the best part was that we got to be late to school.

WHAT WOULD YOU TELL CARLY?

2008-11-03T15:37:00.000-08:00

Last Thursday while guesting on It's Your Job radio show about employment issues Carly called in. Here's her situation.

"My co-worker doesn't speak to me. When I ask her for help, she won't and refuses to acknowledge that I've talked to her. There're projects we have to do together. I need her help and I don't know what to do. What should I do?"

What would you tell her?

Smart women talk about the First Lady's role.

2008-08-04T14:51:00.000-07:00

Obama and McCain are running for President. Their wives are making their statements besides campaigning for their husbands. One of them will be First Lady. What should her role be?

Smart women had this to say:

Keep the focus on the US and keep it green.

Make affordable healthcare and child care for us.

Focus on crime prevention at the elementary and junior high schools.

Have a signature cause apart from the President that she can embrace and influence citizens of the US and beyond to embrace. Whatever she thoughtfully chooses, then, will without a doubt, make a difference and that's what counts.

Help all earn enough money to take care of their children.

Raise awareness for the public and the consciousness of the business community and pharmaceutical industry and get all people involved in ther own health issues.

What do you think? Write your ideas to be posted here.

A different Saturday

2008-06-21T16:32:00.000-07:00

Ideally basking in the sun like a lizard on a rock and reading pool-side is my summer Saturday. To get a good rate on car insurance attending driving school was this Saturday. Today I got 100% on the test - a far trade.

With 5 young people and 1 instructor with the 'retirement can't come too soon' attitude I spent 8 hours learning defensive driving. How it has changed in 3 years since last taken.

Road rage was the biggest focus. We've all seen it and been victims of it. The 48 Hour video shown about people being murdered by road rage sure caught the kids attention and mine. I just don't understand rage like that.

Safety tips were really helpful. Did you know to keep latex gloves in your car in case you have to touch body fluids? How to change a tire fell on my deaf ears. I know a nice motorist will stop to help me. Call me Pollyanna...it works.

Did you know that you can call #77 for the State Police in Va.? Keep your car well maintained. In other words, keep it excellently, like you want to be kept.

To Wear or Not To Wear

2008-06-09T13:34:00.001-07:00

To wear pantyhose or not to wear pantyhose! That's the question! In 100 degree heat the answer is flat out NO in big letters. Otherwise, what do you think?

The issue came up this morning on Good Morning America. Dianne and Robin mentioned an article in the Wall St. Journal about pantyhose as part of the dress code. It all started with Jim Holt at MidAmerican Credit Union taking a stand for a dress code at his company. The Gen Yers 'revolted' at the hosiery idea. And the rest is news for the Journal. (At least it's not about the economy or gas prices.)

I called Jim and he told me that he was looking for an average standard and better for his employees. After all they do represent the company.

OK - back to pantyhose. Having worn the garter belt and stockings that predated pantyhose when dressed up, I personally welcomed them. They were much easier to put on and they kept my legs and ____ warm in cold winters.

In my opinion there's nothing more attractive or sexy for women than her leg having with a nice sheen from sheer hosiery to it.

Whine with wine

2008-05-30T14:04:00.000-07:00

Inquiring minds want to know………. The line goes that way and there’s much to tell those inquiring minds from Whine & Wine on last Wednesday night. Twenty five women ____ed, moaned and whined about what sends them over the edge. They’re smart women so, of course, they stay on this side of the edge. Conversation was plentiful, energy was high, wine drank and yummies consumed.

One brave smart man came too! A member said “ Another successful event well done! I had fun and met some interesting people. Once word gets out how much fun they are and what great contacts one can make, you will have to rent the Segal Center.” I’m for that. The more the merrier.

So here’s what’ll satisfy your inquiring mind about what happened.

We presented to the Central Virginia Food Bank a check for $1377.00 from the WOW! You know that we tithe to a non-profit that serves women and children.

Anyone care to guess what the 2 biggest whines were? The vote was unanimous! The second place irritation was the shipper that sent the customers rushed order to the wrong place, missing the client's deadline!!!!!!!

The #1 whine......Drum roll please here. The # 1 whine is health insurance that makes a sick, suffering patient suffer and worry more because of lousy coverage!!!!!!

Pictures are on the way as soon as I figure out how to use my new digital camera.

8 day old babies

2008-05-17T09:02:00.000-07:00

8 day old babies

At 8 days the two babies are as big as a walnut and covered with wee tiny feathers for wings and fluffy down over the rest of their bodies. They’re either a ball of down filling up the nest asleep or they’re upright with their moths wide open ready for Mom to drop food in. My babies did the same, either sleep or eat, come to think of it.

Yesterday, Tuesday, I was in the garden practicing a speech. Mom had a huge tender morsel for the gang. She bounced and flittered all over the place tricking me about the nest location. Only when I stood very still for several minutes would she enter the secret place in the ivy to feed them.

This morning all the birds were fussing and raising hell. Tillie, my neighbor’s cat, was lurking in the garden. Just in time to chase her away, I saw her poise to jump into the nest.

It’s funny how I’ve gotten attached to watching these babies. Every day I check on them. I clap my hands and holler to chase Mom away and still she takes off just in the nick of time to keep from scaring me when I peek on the tiny flock.

I wrote this on thursday morning, very early. Needing some exercise, I took my hour long walk. Again I checked on the nest.

There were only 2 unhatched eggs. The babies were gone.

Nature has a plan and works all of these things out...wether we like it or not.

I have babies!

2008-05-07T08:50:00.000-07:00

I have babies!

That sounds odd, considering my age and my daughters' ages!

Two chicks have hatched in the sparrow's nest in the ivy pile by the statue in the garden. They're scrawny little naked pips with wild feathers here and there. They look like wee punk rockers on a bad trip.

17 days ago I discovered the nest with 4 eggs. Mom caught my attention as she was taking nest building stuff into the ivy. She laid an egg every day for 4 days. Silly me thought birds laid their eggs all at once. Now that I think about it my bottom hurts just to imagine all that mass popping out.

It's exciting because it's the first time there's been a nest where I can look into it completely. You know I've taken daily peeks monitoring progress, making noises as I approach so Mom'll fly away. Sometimes she surprises me by flying out as I peek.

Mom's watching and feeding now. Two more eggs to hatch.

Quick Facelift

2008-05-02T14:17:00.000-07:00

Do you know how you turn the windshield wipers on when you mean to put the car in gear?

For the past 24 hours that's what I've been doing when putting the car in gear. It's a rental car while my real car Cadillac's getting repaired.

While parked and minding her ( yes, it's a woman - named Glory B) own business in a city garage in Norfolk, some idiot ran over Glory B's front bumper! Left black rubber marks all over her and knocked off the front license plate! And poked a hole in the bumper! I never did find the plate or any note saying who'd done the dastardly deed on her.

Yesterday I left Glory at the car hospital for plastic surgery. Geico (my
insurance company) provided a rental with a gear shift on the center console and wipers on the column. That's where Glory's gear shift is so you can see my dilemma.

That little rental has the cleanest windshield in town.

Glory's well now and back on the streets with no signs of her surgery. Customer service and repair were wonderfully quick using Geico's express service. It's a finely tuned process - very easy with lots of customer contact.

Imagine a face lift complete in 30 hours! If only a plastic surgeon could do as well for me.

WOW!

2008-04-23T17:22:00.000-07:00

It's been too long since the last post. The website tells the tale of busyness with WOW! It was a one day conference with speakers that gave more than a day's worth of info.

I've always stayed away from things that had lots of parts to them. Details aren't my strong suit. Never did puzzles as a kid since I didn't like them. They had too many pieces.

So what do I do? Put on a conference that's more like a double wedding! All of the sponsors were most generous and supportive as I bumbled my way along. The speakers were ever so generous with their time and talent. Attendees were upset that they couldn't get to hear everyone.

When you do these things, the hope is that everyone has a good time and makes connections that help them and their business. All 55 had a great day.

I did some things that were unusual - like have a chaplain open and close us with prayer. I sure prayed a lot putting it together and it was only natural to have a 'sure fired' prayer there.

One guest said that she never knew the importance of attire in business. She was raised to know that if was clean and fit, it was wearable. Another guest said she didn't want to have a heart attack from stress - that runs in her family - so she was quitting her job promptly.

You see the range of influence from WOW! - the World of Working Women! It was WOW!

A giant THANK YOU

2007-12-28T12:59:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year

2008 is too close and I’m still enjoying the holiday. Many parties to go to, friends to talk to for the seasonal catch up and a flurry of busyness to complete those works in progress before 2007 ends fill these last days.

Let me take the time to say THANK YOU for your support for the Smart Woman’s Club. Your notes, calls and thoughts bring me great happiness and excitement. I so appreciate the time you take from your busy day to let me know what’s going on. Please keep it up.

For you may 2008 to be the best year you’ve ever had. Although it’s inevitable that curves will come your way my wish is that they turn into rainbows like this one seen over the Atlantic Ocean.

It followed one of those violent summer thunder storms. You know the kind that are sudden downpours and send you for the closest cover and drenched anyway.

Storms, curves and the like are always followed by calm, well deserved and appreciated.

You are most appreciated.

WHAT A WEEK THAT WAS!

2007-09-11T15:56:00.000-07:00

This past week (Sept 2- 8) was probably the most amazing week I’ve experienced in this journey called life.

Sunday, Sept. 2 was my birthday …a BIG one. At a picnic I was presented with a cake with “Happy Birthday Smokie” in blue on white icing. It was also adorned with BIG blue roses and the usual green leaves. That was a first on a white cake with blue roses! That was followed by the Happy Birthday song which sounded more like a funeral dirge. All the hugs and laughs told me I was very much alive!

My friend Babs took me to dinner. We don’t talk or see each other like we used to. It was really special to be with her and talk girl talk. It was a reminder that friends are most important.

On Thursday night I passed Haagen Dazs on the way to a meeting. You know what happened. During the meeting Haagen Dazs was on my mind. I couldn’t wait for the meeting to end and get an ice cream cone. The meeting finally ended. Would you believe that the ice cream store was closed?!

Not to be foiled on the way home I took the route that passed Baskin-Robins. My mouth is really watering now. As I approached the store I noticed the store and sign weren’t lit up. It’s about 9:15 pm and prime time for it to be open. “Guess I’m not supposed to get ice cream tonight” I say sadly. Then I notice flashing blue lights and many police cars around the store. Something was amiss for sure.

On the 11 PM news I learned why. The store had been robbed and the robber was shot!

This is the spooky part. If I hadn’t spent time moaning about Haagen Dazs being closed with friends, I’d probably could’ve been at the Baskin Robins store about robbery time. I say Thank God for small favors like delays.

On Friday to celebrate my birthday my daughter Kat took me to see Hairspray. It’s pure entertainment and a real toe tapper. It’s set in the 60’s, about the time I was in high school. The funny old cars were too familiar. The music I knew intimately. I even tried to have big hair and certainly used more than my share of super duper sticky hair spray to hold my straight locks as big as possible.

In one scene Nicole Kidman is putting on a hot pink brocade dress with a matching coat. It was really fancy. Actually it was beautiful.

I wore a dress exactly like it to lots of debutante parties my second year of college! And my daughter wore it on Halloween some years later!

Yes indeed, what a week it was.

Labor Day without labor

2007-08-31T07:24:00.000-07:00

Labor Day weekend is closer than I want. It's the last hoorah of the summer ... that time when life is different.

Summer's my favorite season. It's about a freedom ... from routines like school and endless networking events and meetings that fill the calendar. There's a lightness in the air - even in scorching heat. Foods are different - fresh vegetables right out of the garden, veggie stands on street corners, hard crabs to pick on newspapers. Scorching heat means wearing fewer clothes. Pass a swimming pool and listen to the squeals of children as they jump and splash in the water.

You can probably find me at my 'waterfront' office ... up to my waist in the pool with my work papers spread on the deck. You get the idea how much I love summer.
Summer's end is near for this year with Labor Day.

Labor Day is strictly American. The federal government started it in 1882 from a desire the Central Labor Union had for a day off for the "working man". It wasn't too long ago that most businesses were closed that day, even gas stations and theatres.

Now it's business as usual. Sales are everywhere. Back to school shopping and new back packs fill carts. Family and friends gather to play, relax, travel, and have their last fling before getting back to fall and its routine.

Labor sounds arduous, hard, and downright unpleasant. Labor Day is coming.

So here's an idea. Being open minded is a trait of smart women so read on.

What would a laborless Labor Day look like? Is it even possible? The things we do because we love to do them can take labor right out of the picture. Here are some radical thoughts on a laborless Labor Day.

The blackberry gets left on the desk. Do for a whole day what brings you pleasure and makes your heart sing. Plant yourself in a cozy chair and read that book you bought too long ago. Take the easel in the pasture and paint all day. Spend the day with friends and family. Go to a place you haven't been before. Talk to friends you've been meaning to call.

With your open mind what would your laborless Labor Day look like?

The Smart Woman's Club would love to celebrate your laborless Labor Day with our members. Just let me know your comments, plans and ideas on a Labor Day without labor. Send them to smokie@smartwomansclub.com or put them on here on our blog.

Smart women make smart choices. Have a fun, safe Labor Day holiday.